Damaged (Rúben Dias)

Chapter 10

Dani's POV

Rúben leaves and I take a second to breathe. How do I keep allowing myself to get into this mess of feelings? Dancing with him? Getting that close? I'm fucking stupid.

But he's not much brighter seeing he was mad at me for going to the match. Well, maybe not so much mad but hurt. Betrayed, he said. How would I feel if I felt betrayed by Rúben? I hope I never find out but if I do, the reason for it would be the person I'm walking towards to now.

"Thank you, my love", says Libby when I give her the tablet and the glass of water. "Oh, how I love being a woman!"

"Yeah", I chuckle.

She looks at me for a second and then just says it.

"You and Rúben seem close these days".

Of course she noticed. "It's not like that".

"I'm not saying it's one way or another. Just stating the obvious".

"It's just that...maybe he's not as bad as I thought".

"I could have told you that".

I roll my eyes and she holds one of my hands. It was Rúben who did that just a couple of minutes ago. I can't help but compare how different it feels now.

"He could be a friend for me and like a...I don't know, big brother for you?"

Brother? I try not to cringe at the suggestion and just ignore her comment altogether.

"Want me to stay here with you until you feel better?"

"No. I'll take a nap. Don't worry about me".

Easier said than done. But I leave her alone so she can relax and I go to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.

It's faint, but I can still smell Rúben's cologne here. Even before I allowed myself to think much about this, I thought it smelled just like someone would expect him to smell. A masculine scent but not too strong. He doesn't need to show off through the cologne he wears when he looks like that. He already looks so big and intimidating. But then he smiles and all of that is gone and replaced by warmth. Though I bet rival players fear him because he definitely doesn't smile at them. He's so intense while playing. Often screaming at his own teammates. I might not know about football but I can tell he should be the captain of his team.

And I also know how I felt when I saw him again. And how it felt to hold his hand...but it can't happen. And the only person I can talk to about this is the reason why it can't happen.

I feel like just being able to tell someone could help me so much. But who could that be? Who can I talk to without worrying about being judged or about Rúben finding out? Who can keep the secret?

**

"Don't bother us", says Sam to her little cousin that's staying with her family this week.

"Poor kid".

"He's really annoying but what did you want to talk about?"

"Rúben".

The moment I say his name, Sam starts dancing around the room.

"Did you kiss? Did he tell you he loves you? Did you sleep with him?"

"None of it. I just...I think I like him".

"You think?"

Sam's eyebrow is raising but I just nod my head.

"Dani, of course you like him. It's obvious to anyone who sees you. Like it's obvious that he likes you back".

Is it obvious to Libby too?

"He doesn't like me".

"Danielle...I have no time for this. He does! Look at everything he does for you. Like sure, a friend could do that. I would do that but...I don't look at you the way he does".

I take a deep breath, bringing my knees to my chest.

"It doesn't matter because I can't be with him".

"Why can't you be with him, Dani? That's what I don't get. He's older but not by much, that can't be it".

"He slept with my sister".

"Oh".

Yeah.

I shrug and move around the room, not knowing what to do.

"Did they date?"

"No, it was a one night thing. That's how I met him".

"Then who cares?"

"I care. He slept with my sister!"

"But it wasn't serious. Like, sure, it'd be weird but situations are only as weird as you make them".

Are they really?

"Well this is weird whether I make it weird or not".

"Do you worry about what Libby might think?"

"I guess...but also that Rúben is just using us both. It wouldn't be the first time someone like him does that to us".

"I'm sorry you went through that", she says, holding my hands. "But I see the way he looks at you. I know how worried he was when you were sick. That can't be pretend. He's a football player, not an actor. And...I don't know him much but I get the sense that he wears his heart on his sleeve".

"I don't know...".

"Give yourself the chance to at least think about it. Worse case scenario he doesn't like you back. Ok, you move on".

I try to process Sam's words. To understand what she means and to think why she could be right but it's just not that easy for me.

"Dani, how do you feel when you're with him?"

"Safe".

She smiles at me before hugging me. "That's not easy to find. Don't waste it because of insecurities or whatever is going through your head now. You've told me about you and your sister. You both only want to protect one another. To see the other happy. I know you'd put her happiness first always but guess what? She will do the same, Dani. If she sees how happy Rúben makes you, and I truly believe he can make you happy, that'll be enough for her".

"What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not. So go get your man and you'll deal with the rest together. Trust me".