I'm sorry

It was for you

Then there was a boy that came into
My life and showed me something more, something better, something real. He came in and swooped me off my feet. He was a lanky nerd that walked funny but I loved it. He was the class clown that everyone knew and everyone liked, like the cool guy in class but he never believed that. He was very grounded. His hair was soft and puffy and I loved it in all ways possible. He had big dorky old fashioned glasses that only he could pull off. He brightened the mood of the class and he was the perfect gentleman. He really liked me and everyone knew it. He showed his feelings like they were the greatest thing in the world and he was raising awareness. He was perfect but I wasn't perfect, and I didn't want to ruin what he had; the pure loving and he was just too good for the broken and mean person I was. He understood me. I could tell him anything and he would be listen and talk about it endlessly.
One day it was my teachers birthday and we didn't know what to get her, he wanted to give her all his money in his wallet, but teachers don't accept money, so he wanted to give me the money. He walked up to me, counted all the money and put it in my hand and left. It was $74. I refused to keep it but he didn't wanna take it back. I made him tho, just a gesture like that was enough, just knowing he would do that. I asked him why, he said," you're worth spending my money on." After school he bought me a bunch of chips and candy instead bc I wouldn't take any money. Throughout the day he kept trying to give me it though, he was very persistent. He also bought my books for summer reading. He tried his hardest to please me, but he'd already won me. I just never really expressed my feelings for him I guess, I would hug him and hang out with him sometimes but I guess I didn't tell him how I felt. I don't think he ever truly understood what I felt for him, otherwise he wouldn't have the type of opinion on me now. I wish I could of made it better for him. I really didn't mean for him to get hurt or ever to be mean to him. It was a dream. But all dreams come to a end. There was complications that didn't allow me to date him, but that didn't matter to him. But u couldn't let him love me any longer bc the more time together, the more it'll hurt, and the one way I didn't want to see him was sad and sorrowful. He was there for me when I cried and he hugged me and made me laugh. He stared from across the room and As soon as i met his gaze I flashed a smile, then he'd give one back, the small cute one he had. He was there through my two boyfriends, never loosing feelings. We don't talk anymore, he's scared of falling for me again, and I understand it. I caused him a lot of pain, I made him question love. He thinks I'm mean. He feels he's stupid for even liking me he says now that he's not obsessed with me he doesn't see why he put so much effort with me. I regret what I did, I regret that I lead him on, I regret that I was a tad bit too harsh, I regret that I didn't give him the chance I should of. I regret that He gave his all and I have half. I regret everything that has caused negative impact on him. I wasn't the best person I could of been for him and for that I'm sorry.But I did like him a lot and I did everything for him. I wanted him to come out of this the best he could. But I've left my mark on him and I can't do anything to fix it. He's the one I have the most guilt about bc I miss the talks, I miss the friendship, he understood me, but I've burnt the bridge and there's no rebuilding.