Half A Year

Chapter 9

"I have cancer." I whispered. It was barely even there, but with the silence in the room, I'm pretty sure she heard it, because she stiffens and now her hand is freezing, her stare is very intense I couldn't hold it in and that made me look away.

"Wha—" Her voice trails off as she slumps back to her seat her hand slipping from mine. "That's not funny." She rolls her eyes and wipes them as a tear falls down. Well the mere fact that my nose had bled gallons of blood earlier kinda proves that one.

"I really wish I was joking." I chuckled sadly and she sniffs and whispers my name in defeat, and I felt a small weight lifted off my chest as we stare into each others eyes, not really knowing what to say. I mean, I wasn't expecting her to say anything, she just found out that her friend has cancer, what would you say about that.

"Leukemia." I say and she averts her eyes and stands abruptly.

"I don't— I don't believe you. That's not what the doctor just said—"

"I told him to say that."

"What? Why?" She snaps before she starts to pace back and fort shaking her head.

"Kat—"

"No, you're lying." She's crying, but I'm not lying and I wish I was. I really wish I was. "Shan I can't deal with this shit right now. Just please tell me you're lying. Please." Seeing her breakdown in front of me like this sends a huge lump into my throat and the wave of sadness crashes down to me once again and even though I've accepted my fate years ago, it still hurts me because it hurts the people I love and that's one of the reasons why I don't want them to know.

"I'm not—" She groans and wipes her eyes furiously and I bite my lip to try and hold it together, but to tell you the truth, I'm seconds from losing it.

"Treatment—Chemo that's what you call it right. Tell me you're taking chemo—"

"I'm on the last stage Katia." I whispered and she broke down in tears launching herself to me, her tears damping my hospital gown and that's when silent tears fall. Hearing someone cry for you, grieve for you when you're still alive, another reason why. It hurts both ways and nothing can really make it better, right.

"A-Are you dying?" That one, it feels different coming from someone else, its like stating the obvious and reminding me that my days in this earth are counted, and I really wish I could say no, but then I would be lying but I just can't bring myself to say it and so I nod slowly and she holds me tighter, and the next thing I knew was her still crying in my arms on a single hospital bed that is wide enough for two person to fit, and I hold her until her sobs turns into soft cries and soft cries turns into sniffs and eventually she whispers.

"How long?"

"Less than a year, half a year maybe fewer than that, I really can't tell." I whisper into her hair.

"When?"

"Two years, it went away then relapsed in the worst way."

"Was it? that night you got too sick?" And I remember that night, and how I failed the twins, the disappointment in their eyes, the first time I've seen it. I remember the first time Lizzie ever really talked to me and how that made me feel so much better and on cloud 9 just to be crushed down by it.

"Yes"

"We should've gone with the ice cream plan instead." She mutters and I can't help but chuckle sadly.

"It won't change a thing Kat, it doesn't work that way."

"You don't know that." She lifts her head and looks at me with sad eyes and a sad smile. I reach up to her face and wipe the tears away, that's enough crying for today, I'm still here and have time, even though I don't have that much I still do. "What are we going to do?"