whispers from the heart

numb

What am I doing?

What am I doing with my life,

How jealous will I get before I'm paralysed

And numb to the bone,

I'm on my own

Just like everyone else out there

But I wish I could have a shoulder to cry on

Someone to share this despair

I thought the sun was rising and the skies had cleared,

That only lasted a moment and now I'm back here.

When will I ever get out of this dark hole and finally soar,

And when will my goals not feel like a chore,

And start to really be 'my' goals

And not society's?

Not my parents'?

Not my friends'?

When will these tears stop, I just want to scream.

They've been flowing since I was thirteen.

It's like no matter how hard I try to change my habits and life

I always return to the place I'm not allowed to be in,

A sin that can't be erased but I can't look away,

No matter what I do I can't be saved,

Is this the overwhelming power of fate?

Nothing is fair and all I can do is complain,

Now my once shining heart has now shrivelled with hate,

I don't want to care about anyone or anything

That seems to be the only way to set me free,

No amount of comforting words would make me believe

That happiness lies on the horizon,

I'll tell everyone I'm fine but

Inside I'm lost and scared,

The future I see looks like Hell,

And I don't want to be there.