In All For Love

I Keep Forgetting

Arriving at the hospital wasn't a problem since Tia was driving. She drives like a bat out of hell, her foot heavy on the accelerator. She literally didn't give no fuck regarding how she weaved through traffic to reach Ingalls Hospital located in Harvey, the neighborhood where my dad is from-- and Nathan. Nathan. Damn... I fell asleep after that horrible conversation with Conner and I never checked my phone for any of his texts. Shit. He probably thinks that I've ghosted his ass. I pull my phone out of my purse while walking behind my parents and Tia into the hospital waiting room. Eight text messages from Nathan, one from Soraya and one from an unknown number. Who's texting me from an unknown number. I'll worry about that later, and respond to Nathan and Soraya's texts first.

Only to be interrupted mid thought by a blood curdling scream followed by a deep sobbing cry. What is going on? I mumble to myself as my intermediate family and I walk into what seems like a cluster of people grouped together in tears. My mother yells out to my grandmother Ronnie whose face is wet with tears of her own. All my life, I've never seen my grandmother cry. She's always been what I perceived as a pillar of strength, that's well-- unbreakable.

    My mother runs to her mother and wraps her arms around her. My grandmother rubs my mother's back in circular motion.

    "You okay, Nell?" my Dad asks while wrapping his arm around my shoulders bringing me in close to him. I give him a weak smile as I take a deep breath in his winter coat breathing in the scent of Old Spice. Dad's signature chill scent, and mom's most favorite scent on him. One thing is for certain that I understand a lot of kids can't say, that I know for a fact that my parents are deeply infatuated with one another after all these years.

    "I'm okay-- dad." I mumble as I scan the waiting room. I see my older cousins who feel like great aunties talking among themselves drinking out of small paper coffee cups, and my other cousins who feel like aunties are passing around three flasks pouring something light and dark into styrofoam cups, and their children who are my cousins around my age-- drinking juice or pop from the vending machines while scrolling through their cell-phones.

"Dad, I'm going to go over to the family."

He nods, "sounds good. I'm going to hang back with your mother and grandmother."

I pull away from my dad, and walk towards my family who's huddled together. The atmosphere weighing above them feels thick, heavy and incredibly sad.

    "I can't believe auntie Cassie just passed away" cries my eldest cousin Tracey. Her sisters who are also my cousins: Tina, Tajuana, and Teresa nod in unison. They are great great Auntie Pee Wee's daughters.

Tajuana nods her head, "I know-- it's like despite her being one hundred years old. It's still shocking."

"As hell" interjects my cousin Kimmie,  "I thought her ass was going to live forever." Kimmie is great great Auntie Dee Dee's daughter.

    "Hey, Hey" says cousin Ronnetta. She's the daughter of Uncle Bishop and Auntie Mary. Uncle is the brother to my granny and Auntie Mary is his wife. They're still alive and in their late nineties. Cousin Ronnetta has two kids named Travel and Journey, they're about the same age as my twin sisters and they live in Honolulu Hawaii. Tia has been talking about going to Hawaii for some time now.

    "What's going on?" asks Cousin Ronnetta, who's taking a seat next to Cousin Kimmie.

"Auntie Cassie just passed and now we have to plan funeral arrangements." says cousin Tina.

Ronnetta nods, "Okay-- count me in. I'm here to help."

    "Janelle!" yells my older cousin/God Mommy Yvonne. I turn around and greet her with a hug.