Cursed Days

Not Belonging

It was a nice break. An eyeopener to let the spells of blinding me fade away. A bleach that washes away the poison that shuts the hunger of chasing after a change. An alarm bell, that does not freak one out, but is needed to listen to. It was a break that showed me who am I again, in my eyes. Not affected by one's presence, not controlled by one's status, and not driven by one's control. It was solely my own aura spreading out, my own shine that was kept in the dark for a long while. I remembered my passion, the road I wanted to take once upon a time. I remembered what I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. It came back to me, all...at...once. But in wasn't in the break that I have felt any of these, it was the moment it was over that it dawned on me. Who am I, where am I, and why am I here? Who is stopping me, why is it stopping me, and in what way is it stopping me. A rebirth to my vision, a thing that's been lost for a while by the circle I'm in. It pierces through my heart to know it again, admit it again, but with much much more intensity; I don't belong. I never did. I never will. And everyday in my life would be a waste as it gets lost in this world that I'm in. It is a fact. Can't change. Won't budge. I can't belong. Nothing brings me joy in this place. Nothing grows up to show me any potential. Nothing fills a hole. Nothing makes sense. Nothing has any meaning. The place is a potential of shadows growing in the dark; barely seen. And this break made me remember again, that I was born to be seen. I always wanted to be seen. I lost so much in my life just to be seen. And this place is simply not for people who want to be seen. I refuse it. With huge grudge and hatred, I fucking refuse it. I will...be...seen. No matter what the cost is. No matter how painful it would be. No matter what I'll have to sacrifice with my heart and soul. I won't stay. I can't stay. I will leave. I will go to a place where I'll be seen. A place that I belong to. A place I can call: home.