The accident & the snowstorm (A VA fanfic)

Four

DPOV
This wasn't going to end well. Janine Hathaway stood at the front of Alto's classroom. After she'd recounted her tale, Roza put her hand up. Definitely not going to end well. And it didn't. Her arguments and the tone of her voice didn't help me to keep locked away the memories of her screaming my name, naked and in ecstasy as I made her a woman last night. It was wrong, but it had been so right to love her as I did. Alto tossed her out of class, and Janine slipped out before I could.

I managed to sneak in a two hour nap before our afternoon training. She picked up staking as if she'd been born doing it. Afterwards I took her to meet Tasha Ozera to change her opinions on molnija marks, and marks from battle in general. Which was disappointing given her recent- don't think about it, Dimitri! I did anyway, her recent brush with death and its accompanying scars.

It was so easy to laugh and relax around Tasha. But that didn't mean she could keep thoughts of Rose- especially of naked Rose- at bay for too long. I always had to tiptoe around Rose, she knew me in ways I didn't know myself and it scared me. How I loved her so much scared me. How I didn't want to control myself around her scared me. Losing her scared me more, however. As did the fact I couldn't find a way to be with her after graduation as I so desperately wanted.

"Rose was right," Tasha announced on our journey home from Missoula.
"Huh?"
"I should have a guardian." Why'd I get the feeling she was hinting at something? "And I've decided I want you. We'd work well together," her voice softened as she continued, turning into a tone similar to the one Rose uses to manipulate me into doing everything for and to her I know I shouldn't. "And maybe we could become something more? Start a family even?"
"I..." how on god's green earth was I meant to reply to that! "I... it's an enticing offer, Tasha... I just... well... I'm honoured to be Lissa's guardian and I'd be humbled to be yours... I..." I'd never felt so odd and unsure in my life. I wanted a family, and Tasha knew that. She knew I loved kids and wanted my own. But Rose, what about Roza? She owned my heart, no matter what. I held her virginity, her trust and her love. Leaving would undermine and comprise all that, destroy her trust in me. How could I do that? Because her pain was mine, how could I break her heart by leaving and being with another woman, one who'd bear my children? If I left, I had a solution to being with Rose after graduation, and maybe even starting right now if I told Tasha only as her guardian.
Tasha's concerned but accepting voice pulled me from my spinning thoughts. "I know it's a big decision, Dimka, and I didn't mean to make you feel pressured. You can take your time." So mature. But then again at thirty-three she'd have to be. Her time in the world allowed for nothing else.
Rose was young and reckless and immature at times, but she grasped concepts and made sacrifices guardians twice her age didn't. Rose was mature in her own way, mature in mind and in most of her actions. But she was still so young and developing into the guardian she could be. Surely I didn't have to be there for her to burst into bloom, surely she'd do it regardless? Not to mention I was a danger to her, to her future. I'd nearly killed her when we crashed last week, and if we were uncovered because I couldn't control myself, I would have killed her promising future. How could I do that to her?

"I'll think about it," I sighed.
When I woke up at midday Moroi time and went to the guardian lounge for food I saw Janine burning the papers in front of her with her eyes and pen.
"Oh, Belikov, just who I needed," she grunted. "Sit," she ordered. I obeyed.
"Yes, Guardian Hathaway?" In some odd way, if Rose and I could be official, this scary-as and renowned respectable female guardian would be considered my mother-in-law. Oh god, that was a weird and terrifying thought.
"Rose is probably going to hate me. I didn't mean to!" Janine looked completely at her wits end, worried over Rose. Well that made two of us, but I'm sure Roza would tell me the complete opposite, that her mother was incapable of being as worried over her as I was. It didn't matter what was wrong, but I was beginning to feel a bubble of my own resentment and anger at Janine for whatever she had done to Rose, my Rose. Like she was mine. Okay, she was, but with myriad complications and roadblocks.
"What happened?" I prodded.
"I hit her eye and gave her a concussion," she said, monotone.
"How? Why?" I had to work to stop myself from growling. She'd hurt my still recovering lover, and it rubbed me the wrong way, precisely as it was bound to do.
"She was mouthing off and I lost it for a fraction of a second. How do you put up with her?" I love her and see through her attitude. Like I could tell Janine that, though. Alberta already and still wanted my head on a platter, no need to add Janine to the list. Which reminded me, I still had my own incident report to submit.
I shrugged. "She's focused in our private trainings. She's... different, determined. She strives to train like a true guardian and prove to me I'm not wasting my time with her," I answered cautiously. Like she was ever a waste of my time. Her smile, her laugh, her potential, it was all worth sacrificing my sleep and books for.
Janine eyed me skeptically. "Are you sure you're talking about my child?" Ouch! Rose was 17 and legally considered a child, but if people saw who she really was, if she let people see who she really was, then you'd be as forgetful of the fact as me.
"Positive."
Five long and awkward minutes later I escaped, bound for the clinic and Rose therein.

"Here for Rose?" Dr Olendzki guessed. I really should cut down on rushing to Rose's bedside when she's at the clinic. But I can't help fearing for her life even if she's just suffering from an ant bite.
"How is she?"
"She's okay, asleep now. Her vitals are fine. But... the impact opened up a couple of cuts on her head and the concussion may be worse than it should be if she was 200% recovered from the crash." That freaking crash! I put Rose in the hospital! I gave her the damage that made Janine's mistake worse. I'd nearly killed my Roza. Talk about life being unfair.
"Will she wake up soon?"
Dr Olendzki chuckled and smiled softly. Did she suspect? "If that means can I wait by her bed? Then yes. Go ahead, Guardian Belikov. Not even the Princess supports her like you do. I like to see a mentor that actually cares for once."
"I did put her in the hospital a week ago," I muttered, guilt coursing through my veins. "I need to see she's not got long term damage."
The Dr shook her head. "Not what I'm talking about," she whispered, "a guardian is always fearing for his novice's life, it's dangerous, but admirable. Now go to her."

I nodded and went to find her. Her head was once again bandaged and I felt sick for letting this happen to her. She was still beautiful, she always would be, but I didn't like that Janine had worsened her original injuries.
Why had I let Janine run morning practice? Why had I gone to Missoula with Tasha? Why had I left her vulnerable? Why, why, why!