Wisteria Eyed

63

The thing about being reincarnated, that no book I ever read talked about, was the guilt and the imposter syndrome that came attached with the memories of your past life — especially if you had loved ones that you left behind in your previous life.

The grief of losing what you once knew and moving on to start a new life with no clue could leave you with a lot of complicated emotions that were quite hard to process or even accept on their own.

I remember thinking that these emotions would get dimmer with time but no, it instead got more and more intense. It twisted me and made me into someone I couldn't recognise anymore.

It was as if every memory I made in this life was slowly tainted by these negative emotions. And now that I was somewhat out of that trap, I felt like I'd lost so much time.

It was even worse for me, considering how the world I was in currently was once nothing more than anime to me. And the way I came to realize that fact wasn't much better either. My life started to feel like a joke once I knew I was in Kimetsu no Yaiba and everything happening to me felt like some kind of plot device made only for the entertainment of others.

Maybe that was also why I started to confine myself within a box — giving myself a 'role' to feel less like an outsider and more like I belonged here.

Doctor. Sister. Even as a 'mother' figure, sometimes.
Whatever I could do to fit in.

"My name?" I blinked in surprise at the unexpected question, "In my past life?"

Giyuu nodded earnestly, his honest curiosity soothing the ache inside me without even trying.

"Chaya," I answered softly, the name sounding strangely unfamiliar when I spoke of it as Miyasha, "My nickname was Chaya and my actual name was Arundhati."

"Actual name?"

"Ah," I paused when I remembered that there wasn't exactly a dual-name custom in Japan as there was one in India, and even that wasn't much common there either, "When I say 'actual' name, I mean my formal name that I introduced myself with to everyone. A nickname, on the other hand, was a name solely used by my family members to address me. Sort of like, indoor and outdoor shoes, you know?"

Giyuu nodded, "And your sister? What was her name?"

"Anurima," I chuckled at how easier her name came to me than my own, "And her nickname was Maya."

"They are very beautiful," he commented almost breathily, as if he was making an absentminded observation, "The names. And quite similar, too."

My lips tugged into a smile at his genuine words, a strange sort of calmness settling in my bones, "You should have seen us together," I looked up at him with a soft smile to assure him that I was fine with his questions, "We looked almost identical when we were young. No one even needed to ask if we were sisters or not."

Giyuu nodded thoughtfully as he walked beside me, his body brushing against mine one way or another every other second as we walked to our next destination. He continued asking about my sister and the experiences in my past life in a gentle tone, his genuine curiosity making me indulge him just as honestly.

It felt oddly... calming, almost soothing, talking about what I used to be with him like this. It made me feel validated and heard, as if speaking it out loud with him made everything more real and just, better. Like, my past life wasn't simply in my head like a weird dream and actually used to be something I was once a part of.

I smiled softly at Giyuu as his hand brushed against my hand again, his eyes finding mine instantly when I grabbed his hand in a feathery motion.

I couldn't help but chuckle when he didn't hesitate to grip my hand more firmly, his finger interweaving with mine as he squeezed my much smaller hand reassuringly.