✦✩☾ everything i'm too scared to tell you ~ ❣︎

life can be unfair

I'm not feeling so happy with it,

With the idea that i'll never see you

I'm powerless, I can't change anything

But i'll try,

I'll try making a change.

Like my appearance, for example

Because beauty can make up for anything

It can make up for being weird, for example.

Because pretty girls are never cringe or awkward,

They are just shy or timid.

And for pretty girls, guys always make exceptions

It's never 'I can't be with her"

For a pretty girl, they would forget about their morals,

And what they stand for

What they think is right

Because "she's worth it"

But, i'll never be them,

I'll never be "her".

"Her"...who  is she?

Did you write that song while thinking of her?

Do you like her?

Do you love her?

Is she a crush? Is she a girlfriend? Ex girlfriend?

Is she an idea?

Could i ever be as good as her?

Will i ever be good enough for you?

What could i change to make you love me?

I don't think there's anything..

And it feels unfair,

It all feels so unfair, 

When you're next to me in my dreams,

But i'm all alone when i wake up.

Oh, god,  i'm so alone

I have no one but myself,

Myself and the thoughts that eat at me

Until i manage to get a few minutes of sleep,

And the cycle continues.

The cycle of looking for you in everyone

Everything and everyone.

I look for you through old posts you've forgotten about

I look for you every time i hear someone say your name

But you're never there, you're so far away.

I look for you every time i meet someone that has your sense of humor

And when they text like you.

I look for you when i hear a song in your language

And i especially look for you when i think about my future

But no matter how hard i try, i can't find you there

Not realistically at least, 

But i still like thinking about it

About how much i want to live my life with you,

How much i love you

Oh, i really wish i could tell you how much i love you

Without sounding weird 

But i can't,

And it's so unfair.