✦✩☾ everything i'm too scared to tell you ~ ❣︎

if only you knew.

I don't know what time it is..
I'm guessing past midnight.
I haven't looked at the clock,
Hell, i haven't even moved
I can't even breathe.

I don't remember much..
I think i saw something,
I really wish i didn't.
I remember i was laying on the floor,
Back pressed against the wall,
My eyes stood still and closed..
I think i was still bleeding
I couldn't bother to make it stop,
The same way i couldn't bother,
To clean up the spilled wine on the floor
Or to wipe my tears,
Or to muffle my cries,
I just couldn't.

"If only he knew..."
I find myself wondering sometimes..
"If only he knew what's happening"
And to be perfectly honest,
I don't even think he would care.
At least i'm not sure..
I like to think that he would feel bad,
Maybe, for the love of god,
For at least once in this lifetime,
He would actually feel something for me.
But would he?
I can't know..
And i don't think i will soon.
It's not like there's anything i could say..
I can barely talk to him.

And what could i possibly do?
Haven't i done enough?
How much do i have to keep killing myself over this?
Do you not see anything that's happening?
I'm trying to tell you, believe me,
I do.
But you're either blind or you don't care..
Should i die, in order for you to care?
Or will i just be one less thing to worry about?

I can't keep going like this..
There's is no point in anything anymore,
Oh, if only you knew....