The White Widow

Chapter 9

Her whole body ached. Yelena wanted to give into the pain and exhaustion. God, the urge to just let herself go was so tempting, but then she pictured Natalia and Kate. Even Clint appeared in her mind. They were looking for her. She couldn't give up now. Yelena opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. She was alone. Yelena breathed a sigh of relief.

Yelena thought about not fighting the overwhelming urge to pass out but thought better of it. It would only get her in more trouble. Dreykov always subjected the widows to sleep deprivation under the guise of making them stronger. Yelena couldn't remember the last time she got a good nights sleep.

Whenever she thought about it, Dreykov's voice echoed in her head, "Rest is for the weak," but right now? That's exactly what she was. She was embarrassingly weak. Her body had gone years without trauma, and now it was overwhelmed and barely surviving the brutality of the Red Room. She wasn't used to it anymore.

For the first time in years, Yelena cried for herself. Greived herself. She had gotten used to not being in pain, not being controlled and not being in a constant state of fear, but now, it was as if she never left.

Her body screamed at her. Her mind was being torn apart, and she had gaps in her memory. Day after day, Yelena came one step closer to succumbing to becoming a widow again, and she was terrified.

"Natalia." she whispered. "Please hurry."

Yelena knew Natalia was looking for her, and she didn't want to be found dead, but she wouldn't be able to hold on for much longer. Yelena didn't expect Shield to find her, but she fully expected that Natalia would walk in that door one day and bring her home.

Yelena didn't move much. Not that she could anyway. She just sat against the wall with her knees pulled to her chest. This position made her feel safe and small. Most times, she wished she could disappear and be forgotten.

Yelena closed her eyes and thought back to Ohio. It was her safe place. She thought back to playing hide and seek with Natalia and catching fireflies. Yelena wanted desperately to wake up in Natalia's arms and that this was all just a horrible nightmare.

Each time that door opened, Yelena wasn't sure she would make it out alive, and she began fearing she wouldn't be found in time. She would never see Natalia again or have the chance to tell Kate she loved her.

The abrupt sound of a door opening pulled Yelena from her thoughts, and a hot rush of fear left her nauseous as she lifted hr head to see who entered.

Yelena held her breath as two doctors approached her. Instinctively, she flinched and held her hands in front of herself. When nothing happened, she tentatively opened her eyes again, only to find Dreykov now standing with the doctors, and he was mad.

Yelena looked around, confused. She hadn't heard him enter the room, but her confusion was quickly replaced with dread.

"Yelena! You are a widow. You do not show fear! You do not feel fear!" Dreykov chided her.

Yelena looked at the ground like a disciplined child. Dreykov kneeled down to her level and roughly grabbed her chin, causing her to recoil slightly. Without missing a beat, he backhanded her hard, his ring splitting her lip.

Yelena didn't dare move. She could taste the blood pooling in her mouth. Dreykov watched her as she now lay on the floor. He reached down and wiped the blood off her chin that had oozed out of her mouth. Yelena watched him with wide eyes as he brought his hand to his mouth and licked the blood clean. He held her gaze for a moment, grinned, and then stood up.

"Prepare her." His grin was gone.

And then, it was just Yelena and the doctors. They hauled her to her feet, clasping the handcuffs around her already bruised and bloodied wrists. Yelena hissed in pain as they lifted her off the ground.

Each time she hung from her wrists, the pain lessened. Slowly, Yelena was losing feeling in her hands and wrists. Yelena braced as she waited for the pain. She's endured this torture far too many times. She knew what was to come.

Each strike of the whip, Yelena could feel the skin on her back split open. She bit her tongue to keep herself from crying out. As always, she felt the warm sensation of her blood cascading down her body. The warmth was becoming oddly comforting. Yelena tried to get lost in her head during her punishments, but the whip always brought her back.

Unfortunately, Yelena didn't realise just how much she was losing herself and was being molded by Dreykov until she heard her own voice.

"l am a widow. I am made of marble. Attachments make me weak." Her voice repeating it like a mantra.

Yelena had long since lost her concept of time. She had no clue how long her punishment lasted, but soon, the whipping stopped. As she waited for another strike, she heard the door open and close. They've never left her hanging before. Surely they were coming back, she thought.

They never did.

Yelena no longer felt her wrists or hands. She craned her neck to catch a glimpse of them. She choked back a sob at the sight. Her hands were swollen and were an awful purple color from the loss of circulation.

Overcome with fear, Yelena thrashed, trying to free herself. Her voice, drained from her screams, rasped out desperate pleas and whines.

"Please! I can't feel my hands!" Her voice was hysterical as she begged to an empty audience.

Yelena kept begging, screaming, and thrashing for hours. Blood rushed down her arms from being violently pulled on. Her voice was nearly gone.

"Ple...as....e." She croaked out, but no one came.

Yelena's body gave out, and she hung limply from her wrists. Unbeknownst to Yelena, she was left hanging throughout the night. It had been 7 hours since the doctors left.

Yelena awoke with a start when the door opened behind her. A man she'd never seen before silently entered the room and lowered her. He was gentle. Something she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever, and it frightened her.

As her body came into contact with the cold floor, she violently shivered, making her wince weakly.

"The first portion of your reprogramming is complete. The next portion starts now." The man spoke softly.

Yelena lazily looked up at the man and watched as he left. Part of her was glad that the whipping was finally over, but an overwhelming part of her wasn't relieved because her torture had only just started, and she wanted to give up already.

Yelena fell in and out of consciousness as she waited. The cuffs still clasped tightly around her wrists, but she relished the time alone.

Yelena was jolted back to the present when the door finally opened again. This time, her eyes met Natalia's. She felt the air leave her lungs. It was what she had been wishing for. Natalia finally found her. She was saved. She smiled weakly at her sister.

"You found me." Yelena sighed in relief.

Her relief was shortlived as Natalia hoisted her back into the air. This time, Yelena screamed.

"Wha- What are you doing, Nattie?" Her body rocked with sobs.

Yelena stared in horror as Natalia lifted her arm and punched her in the side, over and over again. She felt her ribs cracking from Natalia's abuse.

"Natalia!" Yelena cried. "Please stop! l am your sister! It's me,  Yelena!"

Natalia's barrage stopped abruptly. Yelena coughed, spitting up blood. She struggled to catch her breath but recovered as best she could. Her gaze met Natalia's again.

Yelena's eyes held a look of betrayal.

Natalia's eyes held a look of hatred.

It was a quiet and tense moment they shared. Yelena couldn't believe that this was happening. Her eyes never left Natalia's, desperately searching for her sister.

"What did they do to you, Nattie?" Yelena's voice broken and hoarse from overuse.

"Ohio wasn't real, Yelena." Her words cut deep.

"What? No. Don't say that, Nattie." Yelena whispered. "Please."

Natalia's following words drained the remaining hope Yelena had.

"We were never sisters."