Loser Gets Kissed on the Mouth

White Gucci Suit

The next morning I'm up at 6 am and headed to the gym. I still can't believe what happened last night, all in the span of a few hours.

So, Harry Styles is gay after all. And he's married?? And we're hanging out...together...alone...tomorrow?!

Like this is crazy, right? And oh my god, I got a fucking hard on, what the fuck was that about?

Even worse, he fucking saw it! I don't know how I could be so careless, I wasn't thinking at all and now Harry knows that I got hard just talking to him.

Perfect. I try to shake off the humiliation and attempt to turn my thoughts to the more positive parts of the conversation. I decided to make mental list of everything that I know going into this, while I work out.

Just for shits and giggles, I search some of his music and turn on his most recent album, Harry's House. I'm sure I've heard a few of his songs before, but I've never really listened.

Okay so to start, Harry liked the reel of me talking about wanting to box/kiss him and basically implying I wanted him to fuck me. He liked it enough to get sucked down a rabbit hole of my comedy clips.

He liked those enough to send me a DM and ask me to FaceTime. Enough to follow up FaceTiming me a little before he said he would. He wanted to know if there was any truth to what i said about him and if i was 'curious'.

Regardless of my answer to that, he wanted to hang out with me. Whether it was just as friends, or possibly a discussion of something more, was entirely up to me.

He told me he's gay, super gay. And married. For 10 years. To his former band mate. Who I saw live last year. We're hanging out tomorrow at his place in New York.

The anxious feeling in my stomach returns. My heart starts to race, and I suddenly feel like I could throw up. For some reason, this dude has an effect on me that I don't understand at all.

Although yes, I made the joke, and yes, part of me was 100% serious, before last night I'd never actually thought about what it would be like to kiss him. He was being adorable, and when he licked his lips and the thought wandered into my head, electricity sparked in my gut and went directly to my dick.

The realization that it sounds like it has the potential to be a possibility if I decide to pursue it sinks in. It's one thing to think about it, but it'd be something else entirely to actually do it.

Not that he actually said that that's what might happen if I was curious, but I felt like since he brought it up...he was implying that he was curious about me too.

Otherwise why ask if I was serious at all? Why not just ask to hang as two dudes if that was all he really wanted?

Maybe I'm reading too much into it all? Maybe I'm dead wrong and he just wanted to know for his personal benefit if part of me really had a crush on him? I tried to rationalize, but it wasn't adding up.

I finished my workout and headed to the shower. I was sitting on the bench in the locker room and I decided to search pictures of him on Google images. There's obviously billions of pictures of him, a lot of them are from his time in One Direction when he was much younger.

I was scrolling through dozens of photos and I stopped on one in which he had super long, curly hair that was well past his shoulders. In the picture, he's wearing what looks like an off-white Gucci suit at an awards show.

Compared to the photos of when he was much younger, apparently at the start of the boy band forming, this specific picture stands out to me as a particularly transitional time in his life. He's not a boy with a sweet and innocent baby face anymore.