What If...

Starting School

I got to my first day in school after the surgery with my wheelchair and almost every girl my grade came to check me out. It felt good. Everybody seemed to care, and everybody talked to me...except the boys. I loved it. I thought, 'Maybe this school year won't be so bad after all without ballet,'.

"Wow you're so tall now!", "How many centis did you gain?", "Did it hurt?", "What was your problem actually?"--blah blah blah. I was asked so many questions it was kind of tiring to re-answer each one. In the end, before the bell rang, we took a photo all together, then went back to our own classes. I was in good vibes, because that was how well school started. But the vibe didn't last long.

Some months later....

I became a loner. Then and there. Nobody really played with me, or spent time just talking with me. Which was obvious for a reason, because I can't join them running around, but I began to feel out of place and wanted to disappear.

My friends forgot about me. They looked down on me. There were rumours saying that I was--all in all--a mean freak, who slaps people and holds a grudge. And the last thing they did was ditch me because of silly, stupid, comments other people made.

I wasn't with my best friend anymore. Somehow, she changed. I don't know if I changed or not, if yes, for the better or for the worse--nobody told me. She betrayed me, telling a secret about my feelings, and there came a petty argument with somebody because of that. She said sorry, and I forgived her, but I couldn't trust her anymore. Long story short, I wasn't 'friends' with her anymore. Unless your definition of 'friends' is different than mine. Fine I'll say the word. 'Unpopular'. There.

Then I began to be a jerk again. Questioning where God was and stuff. I wanted to go to ballet, my escape, just to lose myself in dance, be someone else and dream, forget reality. But that was never going to happen--which I knew for sure, which is why I felt like I was dissed out of the whole game of life. I wanted to run away from problems, and lead a different life.

But then I remembered Orientation Week, where we spent 3 days and 2 nights out of town with all of the other kids who were entering grade 7. I answered a quote when we were asked what lesson we learned from a story we made: "Running away from your problems doesn't fix anything." Here, all the thinking began. All the wise words were said. And here, I'll tell you what I felt with that dead end.