and we promised

Chapter 30

OLIVIA

"What are you doing?", Nathan asks as he's entering my room. I quickly take a deep breath, knowing damn well what book I have in my hands. Which is an incredibly spicy one. One that would make my best friend clearly question my mental state.

"Nothing", I lie, hiding the book behind my back. Nathan comes closer and takes a sit next to me on the couch, lifting up my feet to put them on his lap. I never thought my feet could start burning from someone's touch, but here we are.

"I'm sorry for earlier", he whispers. It came out so low, I didn't even register it as first. And when I did, I can't help but wonder why he said that.

"Why would you ever feel sorry?", I ask.

He meets my eyes, his being filled with regret. "I never should have kissed you. I know damn well that I am burning for you, always have, always will. But I should have respected your decisions."

"Nathan..."

"And if your decisions mean you don't want me in your life, not like that at least, then I'll..."

"Nathan!", I cut him short. This time, he actually looks at me. I take a deep breath and tell him what I wanted to say for the last few hours. "I crashed my lips on yours. I kissed you. And if that isn't a sign already for how much I want you, then I'll gladly do it again, hundred times more, so I can show you."

His breath gets uneven. "You want me?"

"I want you", it's all I am able to say. "I have always wanted you."

Before I can think of anything else, Nathan bends over me and reaches my mouth. He slowly starts kissing me, his lips touching mine, soft at first. Like a gentle brush. But we both get hungrier. And we want more. Our kiss gets more intense, our skins are like glued to each other. Nathan's hands go to my neck, keeping my head in place, as he slowly demolishes all the principles I tried to build. As he slowly ruins my sanity kiss by kiss.

My hands wonder to the buttons of his shirt, as I slowly unbutton them one by one. His chest is something to stare at. I can't believe it can ever be real something like that. I am taking down his shirt as his chest grows and sinks quicker, the result of what my hands are doing to him right now.

Nathan looks at me, as a silent request. I nod. His hands go underneath the sweater I am wearing. I can feel him tracing patterns with his fingers on my body, the drawings growing into flames as his skin meets mine. He looks at me again and I nod, so he takes off my sweater, leaving me in only my underwear. The lacy black bra is now on sight, and I make a mental note to congratulate my morning self for thinking of wearing a matching set.

Nathan takes me into his arms and carries me around the room. He places me on the bed, and slowly starts kissing every flesh of bare skin he sees. I sink my head inside the pillow to hide the gasps. I missed this. I missed him.

His hands wonder on my lower waist now, as if showing he wants the tights off as well. I immediately nod. He takes the grip of my tights and gives them off, taking his time, enjoying it. It's then I notice now I am really just in my underwear in front of him. But instead of looking at me disgusted, Nathan looks at me like he just saw the most beautiful thing on Earth.

"Damn, Livie", he whispers.

I can't help but chuckle as he comes closer and I wrap my feet around his waist, wanting to feel him. He wraps his hands around my shoulders as he starts kissing me again. This time, he lets me take the lead, and I quickly decide for some hungry kisses. My tongue wonders through his mouth, wanting to savor every taste of him. Wanting to have him close to me.

Before I know, he places me on my back, my feet still being wrapped around his waist. It's then he starts planting rows of kisses on my neck, on my collarbone, on my stomach. My hands wonder to the zipper of his jeans, wanting them off to. He doesn't register as his pants fly off in a quick movement. He only registers that they are off as he senses the shift in my mood. The worries in my soul. As I'm starring at his knee.

His right knee is bandaged. Nathan looks at me, his eyes filled with regret as he quickly stands up and takes his jeans back in his hands and wants to put them on.

"Nathan...", I call after him.

He doesn't stop.

I stand up and come closer, placing my hand on his. He stops now, his eyes meeting mine. "Nathan", I whisper again. "What happened?"

"Livie, you were never supposed to see this."

"I don't care", I say, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I don't care if I wasn't supposed to see it. I saw it now. And I am asking you, Nathan, how did it happen?"

He takes a sit on the couch, looking straight at me. I sit down on the margin of the bed, opposite him.

"I was on a mission. It was two years after they enrolled me in the army. I was on the mission, and one of my colleagues was stuck inside. I wanted to go help him. That's when someone shot."

I suck a breath, feeling how the tears are getting even more.

"The doctors said I was lucky. One inch further and I could have said goodbye to my leg." He stops, taking a deep breath. "That's the point I went home. All I ever knew until then was football, and that's also what I wanted to do. Yet the doctors clearly said I won't ever be able to play professional again. That's when I started writing articles."

"Nathan, I'm...", I want to say, yet I don't even know how. I come closer to him, sitting next to him on the couch. His eyes are on me the entire time. Even as I draw a small heart on his bandage. "You're perfect", I whisper, the sound coming muffed by the sobs. "You are so perfect. And I am sorry you couldn't reach your dreams. I am so sorry. You deserve the world. And it's my fault. My fault you..."

"It's not", he cuts me short. "Nothing of what happened is your fault, Livie. No one could have known."

"I'm sorry", I tell him again, drawing another heart. It's then I look up, coming closer to him. "I meant what I said that you're perfect. You're absolutely stunning. Every inch of you. You know that, right?"

He gently shakes his head, as if to disagree.

I come even closer and sit on his lap. He tenses as he feels me there yet doesn't say anything. Only starts brushing my hair with his fingers, his eyes stuck on me. He even steals a kiss behind my left ear. One. Then more. It has always been his favorite spot to kiss me on. Even back when we were kids.

"I love you, Nathan West", I tell him, my gaze not wanting to leave his. He seems to freeze as he hears those five words leave my mouth. Five words that can change someone. That can change the world.

Five words I've been meaning to tell him for a while now.

"I love you. And I want to be with you. I don't want to know again what life without you is. You're my person. My everything. I want you next to me. Please."

Nathan presses his lips on mine once. "I love you too, Livie Estair Dunn." Another kiss. "And I'm not going anywhere."

I'm crying as I hug him and sink my face in his chest. My life has always had one constant. Nathan West. Guess constants really stay forever.