Christmas Day

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After that day, Sirius had insisted that they had to sleep in separate rooms. But each night either one would sneak into each other's bed and they would cuddle and talk until they fell asleep. When Harry watched Draco sleep, usually in the early hours of the morning, he would think what I shame it was that Draco wasn't in Gryffindor with him, but if Draco had been a Gryffindor he wouldn't be the Draco Malfoy that Harry knew and loved today.

But on the morning of Christmas Eve, Harry awoke to an empty bed. The bed had not been empty when he'd gone to sleep. Draco's pyjamas, which was really just Harry's quidditch world cup t-shirt, was on the floor next to his trunk. So the boy was up and dressed. His own bedroom was empty too. 

He made his way out into the garden, finding Sirius feeding Buckbeak letting him trot around the lawn.
"Morning," Harry handed him a cup of tea, which he accepted gratefully against the cold. "Have you seen Draco this morning?"  
"Oh, yeah, said he was heading to Diagon Ally early, asked me to tell you." Sirius didn't make eye contact, his face was slack with lack of emotion, his voice a little distant as if he was thinking of a million different things.
"Oh, right." Harry took a sip of his tea, looking over at his godfather. He was just staring at the grey morning, shivering but making no move to head back inside. "Is everything alright?  He asked tenderly, repeating Sirius's name a few times before he caught his attention.
"Uhm, yes." He shook himself out his daze, smiling shallowly at the boy "Yes Harry, of course, I'm fine. Let's go back in shall we, rather chilly out here." He yelled, spooking Buckbeak a little
"I think that's a good idea, Sirius," Harry opened the door and whistling for Buckbeak, his godfather seemed far away again. 

Once inside, he when straight to the fireplace in the study, then threw in a handful of Floo powder.
"Remus Lupin!" He said clearly, annunciation his words. He'd never made that mistake again.
"Harry?" Remus's face appeared in view
"Yeah, it's me. Remus I was wondering if you could come and visit Sirius-"
"Yes, I'm on my way!" He answered immediately. 
"Okay, but-" Harry tried to explain, interrupted again 
"I'm apparating now!" is all he said before Harry heard a pop in the corridor. 
"He's in the attic-" Harry began, following Remus closely up the stairs. 
"I know, look-" Remus interrupted, turning on the stairs "Harry, dear boy, I'm going to need you to give us some privacy. This sort of thing had happened many times before so please, I know what I'm doing." He smiled but Harry kept staring into his eyes. 
"It's not my fault is it?" Remus looked quite taken back "I haven't done something wrong?"
"You?" His eyebrows furrowed
"What with Draco here and I feel like I've not been giving him my time like I usually can- "
"Harry, Harry." Remus stopped him, hand on his shoulder "No, dear, this isn't your fault. He adores you, we all do, never happier than when you're coming to see him." Remus sighed, wanting to say more but stopping himself 
"I know, I just feel somewhat responsible." His eyes still on the older Professor. 
"He's been through so much. The guilt is so deep and consuming, and he deals with it so well, but sometimes it takes over and he gets a little lost." Remus had become quiet, his words were so heartfelt, so caring, but so hurt.
"Go and help him, Remus." Harry offered him a small smile, but Remus just nodded his head gingerly and carried on up to the attic without meeting Harry's eye again.

An hour or so passed, Sirius and Remus were still in the attic and Draco was still 'out'. Harry finally began to understand his godfathers frustration, he was alone and cooped up. Harry felt miserable. Among the worry about Draco and Sirius, things had rapidly gone downhill from the vision Harry had had of this holiday when he first suggested it. He'd imagined himself and Draco decorating the Christmas tree with old glass ornaments that Sirius had found in one of the old cupboards. He saw them kissing under the mistletoe and playing wizards chess, he let Draco win every time. Images of them all sitting around listening to the radio trying to make gingerbread and drinking butterbeer, Sirius poking fun at them but enjoying the company after all. 
He was chasing Draco in the snow, perfect even he tripped and fell, Harry landing on top of him, their laughter hanging in the air as they kissed. The snow was caught in his hair, he was gorgeous. The planes of his alabaster chest, near translucent skin, shone against the pale snow-
 Harry jumped up from the armchair, having dozed off and the sound of the door slamming in the cool, wintery winds interrupting his dream
"Potter?" Draco called up the stairs as Harry appeared in the doorway behind him. 
"Hey, stranger, where've you been?" Harry yawned, rubbing his eyes. 
"I was out." Draco shrugged, beginning to make his way upstairs. Harry followed, waiting to hear about this big excursion that he'd been excluded from finding it off how secretive Draco was being.
"So what did you get up to?" Harry mumbled as he yawned, watching Draco put away his coat and slip out of his shoes. He was avoiding the question, making himself busy as not to look at Harry.
"Draco?" Harry asked, sitting up propped on his elbows.
He closed his eyes and exhaled, turning fully to look Harry in the eye.
"I went to see my mother." The silence that followed and Draco's sudden stillness, a half-folded shirt in his hands, forgotten as he avoided Harry's gaze. 
"I-I don't understand." Harry shuffled to the end of the be, hands running through his hair "What if she tells someone, what about the Order? Your father." Harry's mind was cycling, every worst-case scenario coming to ahead. 
"Harry I didn't say anything, I promise. I just-" He stopped and took a deep breath "I trust her, she's trying to be good."
"But we agreed, Draco." Harry was on his feet, his voice louder than he wanted "This was just us, no one else could know. We agreed, it was too risky." He knew he was being a little unreasonable, but this wasn't just about Draco seeing his mother, this was about breaking the agreement, breaking the trust.

He walked out of Draco's room to his own, returning with the box that he'd wrapped that morning.
"Here, I went to the effort to get this for you. Molly even did our colours-" Harry explained, dropping it on the bed and crossing his arms. Draco unwrapped it delicately finding inside, a huge green jumper with a red 'D' on the front. His very own Weasley jumper!
"Mrs. Weasley did this? For me?" He asked, holding the jumper in disbelief. Tears began to form in his eyes, clouding his vision.
"Yeah, I told her it was for someone really special and she told me she had a hunch about who it may be, and that she would be delighted to knit him a jumper." Harry dropping his arms, opening them to Draco. His thumbs wiped away the tears that were running down his cheeks. "I need to be able to trust you. This doesn't work otherwise.  I can help you, Draco, I want to. Whatever it is that's going on, let me help. Let me in." Harry's head fell forward to touch Draco's. Tears falling on his jumper, which meant so much more to him than just a memory of this holiday.


Always x
S.

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