Evan Farrington's Confession | ✔️

twenty-three

Evan held her eyes open with her fingers as she walked along the shining road, willing tears to fall. The lump in her throat felt like a squash ball. The forest seemed deeper than ever at her side. She was still wearing William's jacket and pulled it tight around her body. The night was getting colder by the second.

Maybe he would never get it back. Evan forced herself to keep walking. Keep walking, no thinking. Keep walking, no thinking. She couldn't stop thinking. She had the chance to get away and she blew it. She could have let William not call the police. He might have even helped her. But she was too fucking proud.

And with everything in her mind falling into disarray, she needed him to act normal. Thing had been so normal and safe until now. Her ears prickled with the chill. And now he was just as unusual as her.

(maybe not quite)

Caligula appeared so suddenly in front of her that she walked right through him. A shudder rippled through her, rattling her teeth. She kept walking, all three Emperors trailing behind her. None of them spoke but their presence was enough to send what felt like a constant stream of ice-cold mist through the back of William's jacket.

Evan gave up trying to force water out of her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. If anything, this made her colder. She went over her plan again in her head.

Number one: walk home.

Keeping it simple. She picked up her pace slightly, mindful of the fact that the police would be shuffling into their cars and switching on the sirens any second now. She hadn't heard any yet but it would be best to have as big of a head start as possible. She had to get home before they reached her.

Number two: give Suzanne the note.

She wasn't going to wait for her to read it or anything. There wouldn't be time to explain, Evan just had to hope that her mother would believe her. It wasn't likely but she had to hope. She could hope.

Number three: wait for the police.

She was giving them ten minutes to get to her before she phoned them herself. If William was too noble, she would have to. She would have to manufacture the normality that he was too stubborn to give.

Fine by her.

(really?)

Yes.

A siren wailed in the distance and Evan broke into a run. It maybe wasn't for her but she couldn't risk it. Not yet. She needed more time and there wasn't enough time there wasn't enough time. Her breathing was quickly becoming ragged as she tore down the road, her feet splashing in the odd puddle. The police wouldn't understand that she had to give her family some kind of explanation. Maybe it would help her case, maybe it wouldn't but she had to at least give them the truth. What they did with it was their choice.

The siren was drawing nearer. Evan's ears were stinging. She wasn't going to make it. Her heart leapt into her mouth and she almost thought she might throw up. She wasn't going to make it. There was still ages to go until she was home, the forest trapped her, threatening on both sides of the road. The police car was behind her, just around the corner. The shining road glistened with sudden blue light.

"Fuck," Evan whisper-shouted, desperation in her voice but still no tears on her face. She slipped and yelped as she almost fell. The police car turned the corner. Just one. Evan dived into the forest without thinking. She had the good fortune of landing on an especially sharp patch of twigs. William's jacket protected her cardigan but her dress tore in several places. She was vaguely aware that her skin must have torn with it but there was no shock of pain. The police car flashed past. Evan had been holding her breath. She didn't let it out until the siren faded out of earshot. At least if they got home before she did...

Evan wasn't sure about the end of the sentence. It was better than them catching her on the way. She picked her way back onto the road and the scratches on her leg began to burn as her heart made its way back to beneath her ribs. She walked slowly, taking her time with each footfall. The moonlight made the road almost look liquid. She had never noticed how beautiful it could be. And she had never seen the stars like this before; she couldn't remember a single clear night since they had moved.

Evan stopped walking and turned around to gaze at the sky. The Emperors behind her were craning their necks, staring up at the stars as well. Evan picked out the brightest one she could see and held it in her gaze. Evan didn't make a wish; she never did. She was just looking up.

("You're looking down Evan, down down down into darkness.")

Commodus's voice was like a deep rumble, stirring inside her like a serpent. His words didn't affect her. Looking down into the abyss of space. A quote floated into her mind and hung there for a second.

('When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.')

She couldn't remember where she knew it from. Evan kept walking. A headlight pooled light on the road, making her shadow loom tall ahead of her. She didn't look round to see the car so she didn't notice as the Emperors faded into nothing. 

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What do you think you would do in Evan's shoes? If you liked this chapter, why not give it a wee vote?

Love always,

-pinknaails

xx