𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝟿0'𝚜

2: old people new people and trauma

I don't remember the impact. I just remember the blackness, the peace.

A couple hours before

It's official Latrelle turned 18 and is getting sent to NorCal at San Quentin State Prison. When I find out what prison he could potentially be transferred to. I even did research at that prison, let's just say it's long overdue for some real prison reform. It's better to be wise and knowledgeable with handy information on deck. I want to be knowledgeable. I mean it's who I am. Here I was visiting again. Yes, I said visits. I have tried to visit Latrelle every week from when I came, and he told me he never wanted any of this. I drove thinking about the first time I visited him.

"They think...I live in fear." I said, quivering to get my shit together to stare him down and let him listen to what I had to say.

"And up until now, I wasn't sure if they were right. Maybe they were. But now that I'm here, looking at you...I'm realizing..." I quickly sniffed my emotions to put on a hard face to show him that not even he could make me be fearful anymore, I just spoke from my heart.

"You were just a kid." I looked away when Latrelle was staring at me intensely with his eyes. Well, more like looking through me not at me.

"A kid who screwed up..." I looked back at his eyes, then he looked down. "And you don't have power over me." I felt liberated looking at his mad face. I kept staring him dead in the eye. "Not anymore." I kept looking at him as he stared right through me again intensely, I was scared but I couldn't show him.

"All right. That's all I wanted to say." I stood up getting ready to walk to the front door. When he finally spoke again.

"You think I wanted that power?" I turned around and saw emotion on Latrelle's face I never saw on him before...remorse. I kept looking at him.

"I didn't ask for this shit." It was a small pause between both of us.

I got out my thoughts and merged right into the turning lane to turn into the facility. I pulled up to the San Bernardino Juvenile Court facility parking lot. I found the visiting parking, got a ticket at the ticket booth and went in. This place makes me itch, but I'm trying to be the bigger little man. An understanding person. A forgiving man. Getting another flashback.

"Hey...I know this might be weird but...is there anything I could do for you." Curse my damn parents for loving me and giving me a sympathetic gene or is it an empathic gene? I'm too damn soft. Looking at Latrelle I felt. Sorry for him, he caused me pain and I felt sorrow. Is this how people get Stockholm syndrome because I can totally understand it now. Looking at Latrelle I didn't expect to see tear welts. He whom I never saw cry had tears welp up. I felt like jumping up to give him a hug.

"Can you keep me from turning 18?" his voice quivered hard.

"Can you keep me from turning 18?"

"18." His voice crept out of my mind again.

I parked my car and got out. I grabbed a bag allowed into the facility, they would have to check it, and I could give it to him. I would bring him items that would make his cell feel less confined or less depressing. This facility allows inmates to keep the items they receive, which is rare because most prisons don't. I found that out in a guideline list they give you. I went into the facility and put my clear bag down. Walking through the metal detectors was a routine I got down packed. Raising my arms so they can pat down my small pint size body. Once my bag was cleared, I moved to the end of the small office box window that is very secured. I wrote on the clipboard my name and occupation to him as well as the time in and I'll have to sign the timeout when I leave.