A Thousand Reasons Why?

Bharat

I can't face her. I can't bring myself to see the heartbreak written all over her face. I can't withstand how she smiles despite it all, as if to reassure me that she's happy with everything. I shouldn't have done that, not to Soya, not my best friend's only sister, the girl who still doodles my name in her books. But alas, I was a selfish bastard, the one whom everyone would love to hate except for her.
I don't deserve her. Maybe it's time to set her free. That's what I tell myself every time, but then somehow I can't go through with it. She may not know it, but I need her more than she needs me, because before I knew it, she has become an undeniable part of my being. But I am scared to give in to this feeling. I'm terrified that if I do, there will be nothing left of me to return to.

Each day, the weight of guilt and regret bears down on me, like an anchor dragging me into a sea of sorrow. Soya deserves better, someone who cherishes her without reservation, not a person who recklessly broke her trust. I often find myself reliving the moment I made that terrible decision, the look in her eyes, and the pain in her voice as she tried to understand why I did what I did.

But there's a conflict within me, a constant tug of war between doing what's right and what my heart desires. I know I should set her free, release her from this emotional turmoil I've caused, and allow her to find happiness elsewhere. Yet, when I imagine a life without her, it feels empty, as if a part of my soul would be forever missing.

Soya, in her own quiet way, has woven herself into the very fabric of my existence. She's the one who stood by me when I needed it most, and her unwavering support and love have been my lifeline. I've come to rely on her presence, her laughter, and the comfort of knowing that I have someone who cares about me deeply.

Still, I'm paralyzed by fear, the fear of giving in to this love that has grown between us. I'm terrified that if I embrace it fully, it will consume me, leaving nothing behind but the wreckage of the person I used to be. The path forward is unclear, and I'm caught in a relentless struggle between my desire to make amends and the overwhelming need to hold onto the one who has become my everything.