A Thousand Reasons Why?

Soya

It was raining and i was all alone again, in this huge monstrosity of a house. How I missed my childhood home. I picked up my phone wanting to call mom but knew that it would just lead to more problems for my husband. My mom could scent my feelings from a mile away and she would alert the men of the family,my papa and both my brothers Kumar and Chetak to this. I could only imagine what Major Kumar and the Computer geek would come up with to punish Bharat, and papa for all his calm would only pat them on their backs for a job well done. God!! What a mess it had make.
I sighed tracing the rain drops on window pane. I wrote Bharat+ Soya forever and drew a heart around it in the condensation. Well it was childish I knew but old habits die hard... I sighed.I had always crushed upon my brother's best friend even before I knew what the feelings meant and for all the world I was married to him, my one and only love.But the reality left something more to be desired. For we were little more than strangers even after 2 years of marriage.
He did warn me how it was going to be, but I was desperate enough that i didn't mind that he would never love me. He said he doesn't know how, that the last time he had tried had messed him up and curbed any ideas for ever wanting to try again.
But i thought I could love enough for both of us....But how naive I was.
Tears came unbiden into my eyes.I miss you...i thought...even before I have a chance to properly meet you.

I picked up my phone and typed
"Are coming home today?.."
I hit send holding my breath...
"No" that single answer still hurts even after these years...how can they still hurt I wonder.

"I miss you.."but i delete the message instead of sending it.

Something's gotta change... I can't keep waiting for ever ...I know...but I don't know how to live other wise...

I open my mail again... going over my acceptance form.....yes I can't keep waiting for ever... it's time to leave.