The lonely star in your sky [Xu Kai]

Flower Festival

"I never wanted to hurt her. Didn't I turn her away?I asked her to leave harsily so that she could forget me and start over again. It's true that I didn't  know she loved me back then ,but I did that ,so that she won't wait for me for a lifetime. I did that because I.....,because I......"

He gulped down what he wanted to say and uttered something else.

"Because I like her as my disciple"

It seemed Lu Yan himself was reflecting on his own words. Anyhow, he wanted to make Tian Lu go away as soon as possible.

"Now, as your doubts are cleared ,I hope you will go away,"

He said in an irritatingly calm voice.

Tian Lu, too, didn't want to stay there a second longer. He stepped out from his pilgrimage hall after giving him a glare, which convinced him that everything between them was over.

Lu Yan stayed still at the same place till he disappeared from his sight. He was hurt in many ways. His apprentice ignored  him,his best friend left him, and her, she had left the whole world leaving a deep scar in his soul.

The truth rang in his ears. The truth that he gulped down earlier.

" Because I like her as a potential girl."

He couldn't digest that truth. He never thought he liked her that way. He thought he liked her as his disciple.  He thought it was only Sun Shi who was in his heart. He felt he had betrayed Sun Shi. He doubted what's wrong with him.

"I have committed a sin. How can I do something like that to her? How such a vulgar feeling was born within me. I am sure I only wanted her, then how could she enter my mind? Why did I see her as a girl instead of my disciple. How can I like her? "

He was having a complict within himself, fighting with his own thoughts.
He sat at the garden bench and thought endlessly, but he couldn't find when it occurred within him.

"When did I start liking her. Was it after I rescuing her from the Red Fort? But no way I was pretty mad at her, and I only sympathised her, right? "

Then he remembered bringing Elixir drops himself to cure her.

"If I only sympathised her ,why did I go for such an extent to cure her? Then did I like her even before that?"

He was deep in thoughts. He didn't  see Jing Ling advance with a cup of tea. Jing Ling placed it in front of him, lowering his head and just left the place without even making eye contact with him.

"I have hurt everyone around me. What's with me? Why can't I figure it out when that inappropriate thought crept into my head?"

But he couldn't find a proper answer. He doubted he might have liked her from the beginning, but he didn't want to believe it, nor want to think of it.

For a second, he thought he should erase all his memories related to her, and then again, he remembered the sacrifices she made towards him. Even goddess Sun Shi hadn't done him such favours.

When she was just a mortal human and a stranger to him, she still sacrificed her first life to him. And then, when she was born as Snow Ball,  she bit Tian Lu thinking he was a danger to her shifu. Next, she had earned moon cakes to earn his trust. And then, when he was severely injured, she had given away her spiritual bean to save him, keeping her life on the line. Last but not least, she had sacrificed her life again, saving him this life too.

He understood her longing towards him. There was nothing to doubt that she had truly loved him. So he couldn't bring himself to erase his memories.

His tea was cold, and Jing Ling had to replace it with another. Lu Yan trailed his fingers along the mouth of the cup of tea and muttered something just to hear him