beautiful scars on critical veins

after it's said and done

It started by a simple picture of my father shaking hand with a man in our family album , my father was wearing a blue suit with a white shirt and the other man was wearing a black swether with jeans and nikes , it was probably taken in 2001 or as the date written in the back says , that picture was always in top of another picture of me as a baby , I would always ask my mom why she puts it there and she would always answer as that was my father's favorite picture but I never asked my father who that man was or why I have never seen him in our house before ? But as a child I never bothered asking or trying to know who that man was ,

At the age of twelve , I was that super annoying girl who was curious about everything and nothing , but that was the year of changes and secrets revealed , it all started in the summer of 2010 ,
I woke up at the sound of my mother cleaning my dusty room , it was awful as always
" morning ma , " I said under the sheets with a lazy tone
I always loved her arrivals at my room every morning waking me up at the sound of her footsteps trying to be as quit as she could ever be
" morning dear , any sweet dreams huh ? "
She laughed , oh god I missed that laugh and everything about her ,
"Yup" I smiled at her as I got up off the bed

I saw her holding our family album , I was always excited when I see her bringing it to make me laugh or make others laugh showing them my awkaward childhood or my brothers awkward moments , at the sight of her holding that little blue book I rushed over her and took that book with me as I went downstairs to have breakfast with my dad ,

My dad used to work at an office in the hospital not as a doctor but as a manager for all the stuff entering and leaving the hospital though I never understood his job at least that job provided food and clothes

He was reading the news paper as always taking sips of his coffee , I kissed him a good morning kiss and took a seat next to him , I didn't even bother drinking coffee or anything else , I was just interesting with the pictures and all

" I see you can't get enough of those silly pictures ? " he laughed not even looking up from his journal
" dad please , I love every single memory in here " I smiled not taking my eyes of the album , neither ,

After a bit of laughing and teasing my dad over some silly pictures my mom went downstairs and was looking and laughing with me , as I saw my dad and that man shaking hands I stoped and took it in my hands I kept staring at it for a while , I felt my mom glancing at dad with a worried expression on her face

I wanted to ask him about that man , I just didn't know how
But I did
"Dad , can I ah.. Ask you something ? " I said nervous
" it's about the picture right ? " he said nervously gazing at me
" of course it's about the picture Ali !! " my mom inturpted our conversation
" well , I think it's about time , we should tell her "
" what are you talking about huh ! " I was confused at my parents reaction
"Dear , baby please don't hate us or anything " she stopped for a moment looking at dad " it's just that the man in the picture means a lot to you , to us , to everybody around you .. "
"What you mean ?? " I cut her off .
" Ellie please let your mom finish " my dad nodding at me while trying to calm me down
Suddenly I started crying
I couldn't stop
" it's just that the man in the picture is your father , he's your biological father and well your mom isn't me ! We just rose you as our own child , you were so little so innocent we couldn't just leave you in the hospital , we did a favor for your mom , please don't be mad " as those words left her lips I started crying even harder , I kind of knew what they were gonna tell me

My mom was a blond and my father was an Arabic man. They seemed nothing like me , I just didn't realize that until I confirmed it from them .

"Honey .. " my dad inturpted my thoughts " you okay .. We're still here for you no matter what okay honey ! " he sounded even more nervous I couldn't stay or move or comfort them I needed to comfort myself
I couldn't hear a word of what they were saying , I just left the kitchen towards my room , slamming the door as I stepped in , crying harder then seconds a go .