My Ex Want To Marry Again

Part - X

5rd Nov, 2023
10:57

He still had not signed the final divorce agreement, and that bothered him. Gaara had finally stopped asking him about it, but Naruto knew that the man was concerned. Gaara must have found some heavy leverage or legal maneuvering to keep Sasuke from slapping him with a contempt of court charge. And Naruto knew he would never get closure if he didn't cut this final cord. If he was so ready to move on, why was he holding back? Why couldn't he just sign the fucking paper? He couldn't or wouldn't answer that question to himself. He just kept waiting to be notified that somehow Sasuke had managed to make it final without his signature. Then he could walk away knowing there was nothing more to be done.

But he already knew it was fully over... he had seen the news. Googling what was going on back home had been a bad idea, he supposed, even if it had started as just curiosity to see what his company was doing. Images of Sasuke and various lovers had popped up. And Naruto had felt the anguish and jealousy surge over him at the stories of drunken one night stands, and rumors of more serious hidden relationships. But when Naruto had really looked at some of the photos, he had recognized the expression in Sasuke's eyes... and it was misery and loneliness, not lust or glee. Why did Sasuke do this if it made him unhappy? Was he still trying to hurt Naruto? That didn't make sense if he were really just bored with him, like he had claimed. Sasuke would never trouble himself over someone he didn't care about. It ate at Naruto. He knew he had always been the only one to reach Sasuke, and have him open up. Except for Itachi. Naruto sighed. If Sasuke were hurting and alone, it was his own fucking fault. Sasuke was going to have to clean up his own mess, just like Naruto was doing. It had been Sasuke's choice, after all. Naruto had tried. Sasuke clearly was not trying to mend the relationship. He was just trying to rub Naruto's nose in its demise, for whatever reason. Fuck him. I won't care anymore about how he feels, or whether he is ok. He tried to stick to that.

Naruto pbbboured his pain and confusion and loneliness into his paintings. He knew that the images he created disturbed his godfather when he came to visit, but they were his catharsis, his outlet for all the confusing feelings and emotional turmoil he felt. They soaked out his feelings of anger, darkness, longing and weakness.

And he focused on himself. Uzumaki Naruto. What did he like? What did he want to do with his life, and how did he want to live it now that he no longer needed to answer to anyone else? The earnings that he received from his business enterprise made him financially independent for a very long time, so he didn't need to find a job right away. He knew he would go back to some sort of work eventually... he didn't like idleness. It made him feel useless. But for now, that would have to wait. He wasn't over-the-top wealthy the way Sasuke was, but he had never really been comfortable with that lifestyle anyway, if he was really truthful with himself. He hated the pretention of the people that lived in that world, and the slick facades that everyone wore that merely covered up their greed and manipulations. He had accepted it because as long as he had been with Sasuke, it didn't really matter. For all his money, Sasuke had never been like that. But Sasuke was gone and Naruto could live as he chose - and he chose simplicity over ostentation any day. Food was another adventure for Naruto. Sasuke had grown up on gourmet, and since they had had a chef, that had become what Naruto had gotten used to eating. Most of Naruto's childhood had revolved around meals of ramen, which was a food that felt like an actual meal, but avoided the feeling of loneliness that cooking a real meal for just one person entailed. When he was older, he had enjoyed ramen and the nostalgia of remembered loneliness that had been overcome, the food a sensory reminder of his survival and perseverance through a childhood that would have crushed the spirit of someone weaker. It was something that had reminded him of who he was and where he had come from. But now, the comfort of that food was gone. Because he was alone again.

So he found himself having uncertain feelings about his old standby, despite being a bit of a cliché in the kitchen in terms of male cooking abilities. He wanted to be a person who found enough value in his own self that it was worth preparing a real fucking meal. So he experimented with different cuisines and discovered that he liked spicy. Any form of spicy. Thai, Indian, Malaysian, Mexican... it was all good. And he took pleasure in discovering a new dish that he liked in a restaurant and then going home and researching and trying to create an even better version for himself. And after the first month or so, he managed to do it without setting anything on fire. Things were looking up.

He spent evenings exploring the nightlife, and different types of music. He enjoyed the bars and clubs that had live music, and interesting people. He discovered that he liked Jazz, metal, Reggaeton, Goth, and Flamenco guitar. And he didn't have to justify to anyone why he had Coltrane, Shinedown, Daddy Yankee, the Cure, and Ottmar Liebert on his iPod together. But though he spent many nights in bars and nightclubs, he declined any offers for 'at home' company from the women or men that approached him, and he avoided the dance clubs, where people just went for a quick hook-up. He knew he was nowhere near strong enough to take on a relationship right now, and he had no interest in casual, anonymous sex. It just wasn't his style. He needed to get himself sorted out first, then worry about whether he would ever have any interest in trying to add another person on that level into his life. The next relationship he had, if he had one, would be one of equals. He would not repeat the mistake he had made with Sasuke. But if it were going to be equal, he needed to be strong and centered again. He also admitted that a large part of the reason he was avoiding physical intimacy was because it brought back too many memories of Sasuke. The one downside of having a physically perfect person be your first sexual partner was that it was pretty much bound to be all downhill from there. And he didn't want to think about a comparison, or feel like he was settling. So he would wait until he found someone he didn't have to 'settle' with. Someone who was nothing like Sasuke, so that there would be no comparison. But that was a long way down the road.

He felt his strength slowly returning. He spent time out walking the streets or taking a trip to the beach. He had always been a child of the sun, feeling the warmth and energy soak into his soul. He saw a bunch of kids playing soccer in an alley by his apartment. One of them launched a ball and caught another in the ass, and a scuffle ensued followed by trash talking at a hyperbolic level that only a group of 10-year-olds can really deliver on. He laughed out loud for the first time in almost a year. And he knew it was going to be ok.

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TBC..

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Cr: NaruLove11
Dt - 05/11/2023 - 10:57
1357 words