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Arrowhouse was lit up as she drove the car up to Thom's driveway. She downed the rest of the flask and stepped out of the car. The cold night wind bit at her cheeks. She quickly jammed the keys into the big door and made her way inside.
A few moments later she made her way over to Tommy's office, sure that he was still awake. With a quiet knock she stepped inside. "Good Night, Esther." he spoke. "Night, Tommy." she made her way over to the chair infront of his desk. "How'd things go?" he asked as he poured some whiskey into two glasses. "I spoke to John and later to Polly, she'll take care of things, she said." Thomas nodded his head and took a sip of his glass.
"I actually wanted to speak with you about something." She lit herself a cigarette as he hummed in agreement. "As of the past time, I've kind of felt left out." she spoke, the tears threatening to spill again. Her eyes stared at the corner of the room, just anywhere other than his eyes.
"Left out?" his eyebrows furrowed. "Arthur used to talk to me, John used to talk to me, You used to talk to me." He paused "I have Marianne for that" he said, nonchalantly. "I know, i know." she took a drag of her cigarette again. "Those feelings i have for you are way more than what a sister is supposed to feel, i feel for you lot like a mother should. Suddenly you stop talking to me, you don't need me anymore."
He didn't say anything as she talked. She sipped on her whiskey as she gathered her thoughts.
"You kids were pushed in my arms suddenly, mum was dead, dad was a drunken asshole and i was barely a teenager." she paused. "Arthur was alway more like a younger brother." She took a drag of her cigarette.
"You used to look at me with those big icy blue eyes like i was your whole world, Tommy. Time flies and you don't anymore." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Time flies and suddenly your little brothers are at war, fighting for their lifes as if i didn't just tuck them in bed and told them a bed night story a few moments ago.
My little sister gets pregnant and gives birth without her sister because her best friend almost loses her life.
You all live your own lifes now but what about me? My life was always worrying if Johnny's gonna come home cut, if Arthur beats the neighbour kid again and if Tommy is goin' to survive the heartbreak which is comin' for him."
She paused, chest heaving as she brought her hand up to her eyes, smudging the make up in the process. "I feel like I've given you everything and suddenly it's enough. You don't need to talk to me anymore, you don't want to go the marked with me anymore, you don't need me to check under your bed for big bad monsters anymore. You simply don't need me anymore, Thomas."
Her brother stared at his sister, her tear streaked face.
"I remember one day, i think, more than twenty years ago or so." She grabbed the bottle and poured herself another glass of whiskey. "We were sitting by the cut, mum had died a few months ago and i was already dropped out of school.
So much was happening and i had to grow up so fast and you looked at me, those big blue eyes." she gave him a teary eyes look "You'd give everything to be born in a world where i was your mother and i scolded you, cause mum was a great woman and you waved me off, you hugged me tight and said that it doesn't matter which world cause having me as a sister was the best thing ever.
I laughed about it but to be honest, this moment gave me strength during the coming years. When i cried cause dad was an asshole again or i missed mum so much id teared my heart out of my chest i remembered the few words you said. That having me as your sister was the best thing ever."
Esther sniffed as a little chuckled left her lips. "I know those days were hard but i miss them.
I miss us."
Thomas got up from his chair and grabbed his sister to engolf her in a tight hug. "I know, Esther, i know. What you gave us was more than any of us ever wished for. You were the mother our mother never got to be and i will always be thankful for that."
He paused as he sat down on the edge of his table, Esther sunk back into the chair.
"I never intended to stop talking to you, i know that i spoke to you about everything and i'll never forget that you warned me about the girl when i was twelve or so because you were right when she broke my heart.
It's hard to live for yourself when you've lived for other people your whole life. You've given us so much and it hurts to know that you feel so lost, so empty because we've all grown apart. I never wanted to leave you behind, if you think that. I'll try to better myself, to talk to you, to-to give you back what you've given."
He hugged her tight once more before looking at her again, wiping a tear on her face. A small smile made itself onto his face
"Having you as my sister really is the best thing ever."
Esther gave her brother a small smile before walking over to the window, desperate for a look out of the massive window. As her gaze wandered over his desk a small piece of paper, unseemingly thrown there, caught her eye. "Charles Shelby - R.I.P" was written on it.
Her eyebrows furrowed as she picked it up. A tight feeling spread in her chest as she stared at it. "What- Esther." Thomas raised a hand, a failed attempt of stopping her, the conversation he just had with her, ringing in his ears. He had to tell her, he knew.
"Father Hughes." he simply said. Esther stared at him, confused and scared. How could anyone threaten to kill her nephew, the little sweet son of her brother? "What do you mean, Father Hughes?" she paused to wave the picture at him. "Why does Father Hughes threaten Charlies life?" Thomas lit himself another cigarette before he spoke again. "I'll tell you everything, okay? Everything i've been keeping to myself."
So he did.
Esther sat there, in his office as Tommy told her about Churchills Mission, Father Hughes hands tied with both the Crown and the Russians and most importantly the plan of doing business with the White Russians. Some of which she already knew about, the picture came together. The missing pieces filled.
She didn't know what to say, absolutely terriefied of how things have gotten but she was glad, glad that he finally spoke to her. That she knew what her brother was up to and what was going on with her family.
