You Love Somebody

5 (Eddie)

The warmth of her hug lingered for a while. He put his hand on his chest and felt his heart beat at a much steadier pace than it had a short while ago. He had been totally out of contact with his own body, pure panic pulsating through him, a feeling of spinning out of control. 

After the show he had spent an hour on the phone with Hailey, and she had been cold and difficult to talk to. US Weekly had published an interview with her, where she had spoken about Eddie and their relationship. She praised him and all the wonderful things he did, and how talented he was. Eddie had read the article, and he was probably supposed to be flattered, but instead he felt suffocated and trapped. One thing he had always practised was to not share his private life with the press. The women he had been involved with over the years, he had never spoken about to the press, and when asked about them, he would diverge. That had nothing to do with a lack of devotion, or that he wasn't in love with them. He just didn't want his privacy plastered all over the internet and the tabloids.  

"It's like you don't feel the same way I do," Hailey said on the phone. "I can't help but feel like maybe you're just toying with me. That I'm just a fun distraction to you."

"Hailey, that's not true at all," he said with that eerie feeling that she was going to make him feel guilty. "You know I prefer my privacy. I don't want the public as a third party in my relationship." 

"Letting people know that you feel something for me, and making it clear that I am yours, is not allowing a third party in our relationship, Eddie. It's simply a way of showing how you feel about me. Like you're proud of being with me, and that you're serious about me." The tone in her voice very clearly gave away her annoyance with him. 

He wanted to tell her that he believed his word to her should be enough. That she shouldn't need a public display of affection to understand that he was into her. And if he suddenly appeared on the cover of US Weekly with a headline reading 'Hailey and Eddie - Wilde with Love' it would be the least him, he had ever been. He wasn't just being stubborn and refusing to show the world that he was in a relationship, he was being true to himself. It wasn't like he hid his affection for her in public, and they had been papped a lot together where he held her hand, kissed her or hugged her. 

In the end she hung up on him, and he knew he would be apologising in the morning, promising her to do better. Ben had suggested they do an interview where Eddie could casually mention her, just to calm her down. 

"But I'm not interested in doing that at the moment, Ben. We've been together for five months. This last month we've been on separate continents and we argue more than we get along. I feel miserable for hurting her, and I wish I could go full Ryan Reynolds and profess my love for her, but it's just not me." Eddie felt agitated and cornered. 

Ben sighed and poured Eddie a glass of water. "It's not because I want you to go out and scream from the top of the mountains that you are in love with her. But it is good publicity for both your careers, you know?" 

That set off the panic attack, and it hadn't settled until Anna came. She hadn't judged him, or dug into his emotions. Her hand was small and warm, and when she squeezed his hand it had made him feel safe. His heartbeat had slowed down when she rested her hand on his chest, while she listened with her stethoscope. He couldn't even begin to explain how much he appreciated the calmness she had brought into the room.

***

When he arrived at the MSG the next afternoon, he went straight to her office and knocked on the door. He heard a shuffling inside, and waited for her to open the door. When the door opened, Ben came out.

"Hey Ed, good to see you, buddy." He squeezed Eddie's shoulder, and walked by him. 

"You too," he said and turned his gaze to Anna, who was standing by her desk in the office. She was wearing a pantsuit with a Choose Love t-shirt underneath. Her hair was loose and she flipped it behind her ear, and smiled at him as he walked in the door.