You Love Somebody

11 (Eddie)

It had been a messy night. First the panic attack, then having to tell Hailey that he needed space, just to crawl into a tiny bunk and sleep next to her. Sleep hadn't found him. He went to the toilet and looked at himself in the mirror. The physical exhaustion was visible on his face. He decided to go back and try to sleep on a sofa in the lounge area, but when he came out from the toilet, he saw Ben. At first he thought it was a walk of shame, and that Ben had gotten what he wanted. Anger and disappointment hit him like a brick wall.

"It's not what it looks like!" Ben had whispered when they met in the aisle halfway. "She shot me down. She doesn't want me."

He felt guilty for feeling relieved, since he knew Ben actually really liked her, and he wasn't one to take chances very often.

"I kissed her, and she wasn't into it at all," Ben shrugged.

"You kissed her?" Eddie heard the venom in his own voice, and Ben reacted accordingly. He looked taken aback by Eddie's tone.

"I'm sorry man. I had to find out." Ben held his hands up, and apologised. He was being genuine, and Eddie felt ridiculous for reacting like he did. He had no right to assume anything about Anna, and if she had been into Ben, he should have accepted that.

"It's okay, mate. I'm sorry, okay? Talk tomorrow, yeah?" Eddie put his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben nodded and went to bed.

Eddie was going to do the same, but something pulled him towards her bunk. He just needed to see her, to see if anything had changed. To him her eyes shimmered when she looked at him. Her hair was loose, falling in silky, soft waves. Her shoulders were bare, except for the thin straps of her top. Somehow he just needed to tell her that she was on his mind, and that he wished he could touch her, he wanted to be the last thing she thought of before she went to sleep erasing Ben's kiss.

He crawled into bed next to Hailey and fell asleep thinking of Anna's eyes when he told her, he wanted to make her come.

***

Hailey woke him with a kiss. She was lying on her side, gently tracing a rose tattoo on his chest. He blinked his eyes open and stretched his body.

"Morning baby," she whispered and let her hand travel down his chest, over his stomach and down between his legs.

He drew in his breath and sat upright averting her touch.

"What's wrong?" Her voice sounded hurt and she pulled her knees up so she was hugging them like she needed to protect herself.

"Hailey, I'm very confused," he started unable to find the right words. He really didn't want to hurt her. "Things are complicated. You're lovely and beautiful, but..."

Hailey sniffled and took a deep breath. "But you don't want me?" She looked small and frail, as she tightly hugged her knees with tears pooling up in her eyes. 

He put his arm around her, and she leaned her head against him. "I have no idea what I want, H." He whispered. Liar, liar, pants on fire, his inner voice taunted him. He wanted Anna, and lying to Hailey wasn't a good idea. 

"I think you do," she said. "I think you want to be single for the tour." 

He inhaled deeply and said nothing. Maybe it was easier, if she thought that, than her knowing about Anna? 

"So do you want to end things like this?" She asked, a hint of sharpness in her voice. "After I flew out here so we could reconnect and find our way back to each other?" 

Eddie knew how it sounded. He had wasted her time, and strung her along, but he had to be sure he wasn't just undermining his feelings for her, because of the distance.