Family From The Start

11

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Emma

I look down at the open box in my hands. Its christmas eve and Natasha is just putting Tilly's presents under the Christmas tree for her. Tilly has started to sleep in a room joint onto ours so we finally have alone time. Not that we have time for sex. Tasha has been home nearly a month and we haven't even had time for a quick..you know. I've been busy with work and we both have been busy shopping for Christmas and looking after Tilly.

And to be honest I think Nat is mad at me for starting to sleep with other people. She barely touches me on my boobs or else where and every time I try to initiate something she finds a way out of it. I can't think of any other reasons other than that or that she doesn't like the fact my body has changed since I had Matilda. I mean I don't like the look of it either but coming from her it feels worse.

I stare at the red lingerie and the santa hat in the box. Vic got me them as a joke last year and I haven't had chance to wear it. I take it out the box and I put the box back down. I put it on and I look at myself in the mirror. I sigh running my fingers over my stretch marks. My stomach hasn't gone back to normal since having Tilly and I hate the way my boobs look now.

I sit down on the bed crossing one leg over the other and leaning back with my arms behind me. The bedroom door opens and I look up at Natasha. She glances at me and I spot her letting out a sigh. "What?...is it too much?" I ask standing up as she starts getting changed. "No..I-..im tired thats all" she tells me not looking at me.

I scoff "Your t-..Natalia you haven't touched me since you got back..you barely look at me. And you turn me down whenever I try to have sex!". "Its not like that Detka.." she says walking towards me. I look up at her with tears in my eyes "then what is it? Because I'm stood here in a fucking santa lingerie set looking like an idiot for you and you won't fuck me. Is it my body or something?".

Nat just looks at me. I wipe my eyes as I grab a shirt, my pillows off the bed and a blanket from the top of it "I'm...gonna go stay in Tilly's room.". I look up at the clock on the wall and I smile at her wiping my eyes again "Merry Christmas Tasha". I open the door to Tilly's room and I go in whilst Natasha just stands and stares at me.

I wake up on the floor of Tilly's room. I look over to her crib and shes stood up against it smiling and shouting gibberish at me. I roll onto my back and I rub my eyes. My back is killing off the floor and I don't think I slept much last night. I get up and I pick Tilly up "Merry Christmas honey..". I get her changed into a matching Christmas pyjama set that me and Nat agreed on before going into the bedroom.

I spot Nat sat up in bed with a book in her hands. She looks tired   and stressed. Tilly let's out a loud squeal and leans forward for me to put her on the bed. I do as she wants me to and she crawls straight over to Natasha whilst repeating "Mama" over and over again.

I sit on the bed next to Nat and I rest my head on her shoulder. She looks down at me and presses a kiss to my head "Dorogoya I'm so-". I cut her off "I don't want to hear it. I've had a crap night so can you just..shut up and let me sit here for a bit". I hear her let out a loud sigh before she gets up "I'm not doing this..the whole you being pissed off at me bit. I get I messed up but I can't help but think when I see you how you were last that other people got to see you like that when I was away!".

I look at her for a few seconds before looking down at my hands. "What else was I meant to do..you left me..for nearly a year Natalia..I didn't think you were coming back! Did you just expect me to sulk and never have sex again?" I ask trying not to cry. Nat stands up setting Tilly down on the bed before starting to put her pyjamas on "I know..and I'm sorry about that. I just..need some time to push past that". "Well..dont expect me to wait for you to get over your jealousy issues" I tell her finishing pulling up my trousers and taking Tilly out of the room with Nat following not far behind.