Everything unrequited

Nightmares: Asher

A room full of smoke, I can't seem to breathe, it's like someone is choking me and laughing enjoying my pain as I try to free myself from him. Me lying on the floor struggling to go towards the light, it seems as if someone is doing all this intentionally. I feel helpless, I wish this is all just a dream and I wake up normally, I don't know to what extent that is true but this all seems too real, I can't anymore, the smoke filling the room is hatred, this black room has a little spark of light at the end of the room, I want to go near the light, but I can't seem to move. I feel desperate, despite having everything, money, assets, fame, all things imaginable in the palm of my hand, that little bit of light is all I crave. I am not mature enough to determine what is good or bad, but at this moment that bit of light is all I crave, that is my only salvation. Suddenly I heard a gunshot and I, I-I-I, woke up. I still can't catch my breath, in this dark room I move my arms restlessly to find the glass of water, but the thing I want more than water right now is someone coming and pulling me in a warm hug. I turned the lamp on and took a deep breath before pouring myself a glass of water. As I calmed myself, I stared outside. my hotel room has an astonishing view of the city skyline. The beauty of the sky amazes me very much, I checked the time, it's now 3 a.m. the city of Seoul is still so bright. The light of the lamp placed on the nightstand beside me brightens the entire room. It's a big room with a lot of excess space, I still got this one, maybe for self-affirmation. On the corner of the room, lay my big black language. My mind is the only messy thing in this perfectly organized room. there is a big beautiful abstract painting hanging on the wall behind the bad. the crooked line of paints of different colors represents the state of my life now. There is red as hate disguised as love, blue as big tides disguised as a calm sea, green as disgust pretending to be peace, and yellow as shit pretending to be happiness. 

I was feeling breathless in this so-called royal suite. I needed some fresh air. I forgot that it was now 3 a.m. and anywhere in the world it is 'not safe for a girl to walk alone at night'. With my karate skills to my advantage, I got up from my bed, I am still not used to the climate here, it's too cold for me. I put on what seemed like 5 layers of clothing and a pair of sneakers. I was ready to go out, ready to inhale some happy city air, ready to feel what I didn't feel regularly.