She's a Freak

Depression

*last period*

Nat's POV:
      
     I convinced Carleigh to go to the nurse for some pain medication after lunch. Even though she acted okay I could tell that she was hurting. I told the nurse that she fell down the stairs. I knew Carleigh wouldn't want me to tell anyone what really happened. I hated that! I don't see why she would want to keep this a secret. I don't understand how anyone could beat up as badly as she did and not want anyone to know how! I should have looked for Carleigh this morning. This might not have happened if I was with her. I had gone to talk to a teacher about a bad grade on my test and I was there way longer than I thought I'd be. I could have prevented all this. I was a terrible friend.

"Don't blame yourself, Nat. It's not your fault."

"I know but I could have done something. I could have kept her safe.

"Nat, stop it. You might not have been able to stop it even if you were there."

"But-" AH! I'm talking to myself again. 

*Nat's house*

I stopped by the store on my way home and picked up some stuff for dinner. I brought in the groceries and found Megan playing with our dog in the den. "Hey Meg. How was school?" "Good. You?" "Alright. Have you finished your homework?" "Almost. I need your help with a few questions." "I'll help you after dinner, okay?" She nodded and smiled. I went up the stairs to my room and got started on my homework. It took about 20 minutes. Seeing as it was only 5 o'clock, I laid down and took a quick nap. After what felt like 2 seconds, I felt someone shaking my shoulder. "Natty, Natty wake up!" Megan whined. "What is it Meg?" I asked. "I'm hungry!" she cried. I snickered and smiled. "Well, I can fix that." I replied jumping up. "Race ya!" she giggled and bolted towards the stairs. I ran after her and as she neared the bottom step I scooped her up in my arms and dropped her on the sofa, making her squeal before I made my way to the kitchen. I filled a pot with some water and set it on the stove to boil. After a few minutes, I poured some pasta in and drained the water once it got soft. I scooped some in a bowl and poured some Ragu on top. I gave it to Megan before doing the same for myself. As we ate, I turned on the Lion King, Megan's favorite movie. After we finished,I helped Meg finish her school work and then I made another bowl of pasta for mom. I held it out to Meg. "Can you do it for a second? I need to do something." she asked. "You know she won't take it from me." "Please? I really need to do something." she begged bouncing up and down. "Ugh. Fine." I gave in. "Thank you!" she cried before running off to the bathroom. I snickered. She's a funny kid. 

        I slowly walked down the hall. I could smell Mom's room before I even opened the door. It reeked of piss and dirty socks. It had been a few months since the last time I went in there. I slowly opened the door and peered inside. Dirty clothes, bottles of nail polish and stained sheets covered the floor. My mom laid wrapped up in the comforter of her bed, looking pale and sick. Even though she slept the majority of the day, she had enormous bags under her eyes. She didn't look at me when I went inside, just at the wall. I stepped on the old clothes and pulled a chair over by her bed. "I have your dinner, Mom." I said quietly. She huffed. "It's pasta. Your favorite. Do you want some?" I asked softly. "Not from you." She snapped. I looked down at my feet. "Where's Molly?" she asked. "Who?" "Molly. Your sister, stupid." "You mean Megan?" I corrected. "That's what I said." she replied. I rolled my eyes and sat down next to her. "She had to go do something and she asked me to bring you your supper." I told her. She rolled her eyes. I scooped some on to her fork and held it out. "Here mom." She turned away. "Mom, you have to eat." I reminded her. "Who says?" she sounded like a little kid. "You'll get sick if you don't." "Maybe I want to get sick." she retorted. I was about to respond when Megan came in. "I can take it, Natty." She said taking the bowl from me. I got up and left her alone with my mom.

I went back to the living room but continued to listen to their conversation. "Nat's right, Mommy. You can get sick if you don't eat." Meg said calmly. "Maybe I want to." mom repeated. "Mom, you can die if you don't eat." Megan reminded her. They were both quiet for a moment. "Maybe I want to die!" she yelled. I heard Megan gasp then I heard the fork clank against the glass bowl. "Feed yourself." Meg snapped at her, her voice cracking. I heard the door open then slam shut. I jumped up in time to see Megan running toward me already in tears. I bent down,  scooped her up and held her close. "M-mommy s-said she wants t-to d-die!" she cried. I rubbed her back as her tiny body shook. Each sob made my heart break a little more. I rocked us back and forth and tried to calm her down. "Shhhh Shhh Shhhh" I cooed, "it will be okay, Meg." I felt my tee shirt become wet with salty tears. "No it won't. Mommy's gonna die and we'll be all alone." she cried. "Meg, listen to me. Mom isn't gonna die. We won't let her. But if she does, we won't be alone. We have Aunt Tina and Uncle Mark. They would take care of us. But I can tell you right now that Mom is not gonna die." I told her. She nodded at me and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, embracing me. I held close to me and rubbed circles on her back, soothing her as best as I could.

She fell asleep soon after and I carried her to my room. I tucked her in and crawled in next to her. I pulled her in to my chest and wrapped my arms around her. For a 10-year-old, she was really small. I looked at her tear streaked face and thought about what mom had said. How could she say that? How could she say it to Meg? I would've expected it to me but not to her. Her "little angel". Meg is the one who has put up with mom this whole time and this is how Mom treats her in return. I understand that she is still heartbroken over the divorce but she needs to get over it and be the mom that Megan needs. She's has to be there when Meg gets older and starts liking boys, and goes through drama and starts her... ya know. Her "female thing." She doesn't have a dad and I'm pretty sure she won't want to talk to me about that kind of stuff. She needs her mother... And so do I.