It's Christmas and we all know that means ... time for the heist of the year!
They may be Bad Guys, but they are working on a plan to get all the goods this season Get ready for A Very Bad Holiday special in this new novelization. As the bad guys te...
"Okay," Wolf said, clapping to get everyone's attention a bit later. He'd gathered the team at the heist board. It was brainstorming time.
"We lost some time there, but we'll just have to figure out another way to cheer up the city in time to rob it on Christmas morn-ing." He shrugged. "Which, sure, is in, like, twelve hours... so, lay it on me. What else says holiday spirit?"
"Giving and spreading joys to others" Princess asked.
"Stealing whatever we want because normally guards take the day off, Snake muttered. "But no, not this year. They'll be at work, ruining the only good thing about Christmas..."
"Only good thing? Are you kidding?" Shark gasped.
"What about all the classic Christmas criminals?" He began testing out some of his favorite holiday disguises, knowing the team would be very impressed by all his options. "The Grinch?" he asked, sporting a puffy green wig.
Then he jammed a bowler hat on and said, "Hans Grouper?"
"Who's Hans grouper?" Princess asked then they all gasped.
"Only the greatest criminal of all time" snake says.
"Uh snake, he is just an character from the movie famous Christmas movie die hard, you see princess Gruber is a thief and criminal mastermind from East Germany who holds the Nakatomi Plaza hostage to steal $640 million in negotiable bearer bonds" wolf says.
The gang didn't seem all that impressed. Shark knew it was time to debut his masterpiece. He tossed on a top hat and sideburns and blurted out, "And the OG of them all: Ebenezer Scrooge!" The rest of the Bad Guys oohed and aahed.
"But ebenezer Scrooge turned good at the end, they all do" princess says.
"Exactly princess"
Piranha nodded. "That guy's a legend. He parties with ghosts and wears a dress to bed."
"Uh piranha, I don't think that what Scrooge does" princess says.
"Really? That's not how I remember it"
"And yet," Shark said, holding up a fin. "His story has never been properly told. So, I propose that we put on a show for the whole city, with me as Scrooge, and all the other characters, but without that needy, nefarious Tiny Tim tearing Scrooge down."
"The point of the story is for the villain to learn the true meaning of Christmas" princess says.
Wolf's eye twitched. He was trying really hard to keep it together, but they were getting a little too off course here. "I would buy a ticket to that show," he told Shark, trying to keep his buddy happy. "But... we gotta stick to all the awful stuff people like-ahhh!"
He cut off as he noticed the giant eyeball of the charred Santa balloon staring at them from just outside the window of their living room.
It was as though the annoyingly jolly guy was watching them, judging them. Wolf quickly reached over and closed the shades.
"My favorite part of the holidays," Piranha mused, "Is getting a lump of coal. Really makes me feel like I'm making good choices."
"If I had to guess, you were all on on good terms with Santa"
Everyone shook their heads in agreement, "no we did not" wolf says.
The other Bad Guys nodded their heads in agree-ment. "The Naughty List is a badge of honor," Shark said in a hushed whisper.
"Maybe we can get everyone some coal?" Piranha suggested.
Wolf whooped. "Piranha, you're a genius."
"I am?" Piranha asked. He was confused.
"It was a good idea, but it wasn't exactly a great idea"
"What was?" Princess asked.
Wolf snapped and said, "We're going to play Santa!"
"You mean shark got to dress as Santa like he did last year" princess asked.
Snake eyed him suspiciously. "Let me get this straight. Are you suggesting we give instead of take?"
"Think of it this way," Wolf said. "We'll steal the gifts from the big department store and then break into houses to leave them!" Snake narrowed his eyes. "That sounds a lot like Robin Hood, who is notoriously good?"
"Ugh," Webs groaned. "That guy is the worst. He ruined tights for me."
Wolf shook his head. "We're only doing good for the greater bad. If folks have presents waiting for them, they'll stay home on Christmas morning... and our Holiday Heist-tacular can live again!"
Slowly, Snake began to nod his agreement. It made—
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sense, in a sort of crazy way. The good kind of crazy.
The Bad Guys' kind of crazy. Brilliant.
Webs lifted one of her eight legs and said, "We also have to deal with this." She hopped onto the radio and turned it on.
A blast of loud, angry heavy metal music blared out of the speakers. "After the balloon. uh, incident, the radio station stopped playing Christmas music and is instead broadcasting something called-"
Annoyed, Snake flicked the radio back off, dropping the room into silence. For a second, Webs didn't notice that the music was off, and so she continued to yell, "_'DOOM TUNES' instead.? She cleared her throat and lowered her voice to a normal level once again.
"This music isn't helping with holiday spirit. If someone could get into the recording studio to help, I could hack the station's antenna and stream my sweet Santa mix."
Wolf turned back to the heist board. He was in full-on planning mode now. He began to sketch out the plan-they had the start of something good. "Alright, guys," he said with a devious smirk. "Let's go do some good, so we can be bad"
"Is that How you saved Christmas" princess says.
"Oh no princess, it was a lot complicated then that, this story is only beginning"
