SandRay - His Downfall & The Road Back Home

His Downfall

chapter 1

The world was a blur once again. Ray liked it that way, the numbness, all the feelings kept at bay, the burn of the liquor running down his throat. He staggered, confused and unable to make out whose arms he was in. The scent was familiar but was lost in the overwhelming smell of the booze and vomit on his own clothes.

Familiar.

Comfortable.

The smell of his own downfall.

Once again the sweet liquor calmed the ache in Ray's chest, temporarily of course, even though he knew this moment would also end.

"Ray! .. Ray, hold on to me and stop trying to move so much, you're gonna throw up again."

What a pretty voice. Ray thought to himself.

"Here, take this" the voice spoke once again.

"I'm not thirsty" Ray tried to say, but the words wouldn't come out right.

He reached for the cup, it was easier to do that, than try to speak again. While Ray's hands held the cup, the shadowy figure held Ray's hands, steading him as he drank.

Warm hands.

Strong hands.

Callous hands.

Rays knew these hands, but was too lost in his own world to fully comprehend who was with him.

"Why didn't you call me?" they asked. "I would have come get you, not that you would appreciate it"

"Hmmmm" is all Ray could manage to get out before he felt that beautiful darkness envelop him. No thoughts, no feelings, just darkness. But that voice... Ray wanted to keep hearing that voice.

---

Sand laid Ray down carefully on the bed making sure he was on his side. He had already emptied the contents of his stomach earlier but Sand was still cautious about Ray's condition. He was drunker than usual today.

Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Sand thought, as he looked at Ray's sleeping face.

It was funny, Ray almost looked peaceful but Sand knew otherwise. The pain and hurt Ray carried with him, was eating him away. His mothers death, his unrequited love for Mew, his inability to truly care for anyone but himself.

Sand sighed.

He should leave. He didn't need to be here when Ray woke up. He didn't want to be part of the tangled mess that was Ray's life. He didn't want to be someone's second choice. But Sand knew he wouldn't leave. Even if he wanted to he knew he fucked up. Sand told himself he needed to distance himself from Ray. But it was too late now. Sand knew what he felt was more than what Ray was willing to offer.

Sand knew he would never come first for Ray. He was just building himself up for failure.

But Sand looked at the sleeping drunk, mesmerized by the face that would never love him back.

Sand knew if he didn't remove himself from Ray's side, he would end up drowning.

" Just tonight" , Sand told himself. Sand sat in the quiet room, only listening to the drunk snores and ambient street noises from the open window.

" Just tonight " He kept repeating to himself.

Sand stood and made his way to bed where Ray slept. He didn't want to wake Ray but he gently pushed him, giving him enough room to lie down next to him.

Ray stirred, adjusting himself until he curled up to Sands' side.

Ray did not open his eyes, but he wasn't fully asleep. He didn't know if this was a dream or reality but he could smell the faint cologne that made his heart skip a beat.

Was he dreaming of Sand again? Ray couldn't tell, but he didn't want to leave this warm embrace. Ray could feel the warm hands rubbing his back, slowly in circular motions. The touch was soothing, calming, and with lingering expectations. Expectation he wasn't ready for.

Ray felt uneasy. The stirring in his heart returned. That unfamiliar feeling of something he was too scared to uncover. In a limbo dream state Ray could almost see the life that was waiting for him. The blurred images of guitars and soft t-shirts taunted his miserable existence. If he was better it could be his, if he was smarter, kinder, without the demons he keeps at bay with a bottle, maybe just maybe that life could be his.

Sand quietly got up, removing himself from Ray's weak embrace. Sand knew his time was coming to an end. The sun would be rising soon, and once again Sand reminded himself " Just tonight ." before taking one last look and exiting the room forcing himself not to look back.