You'll Regret This (Matty Healy)

5

Voices within the flat rudely awoke me. I recognised Dylan and Nicki's voices but there was another voice I couldn't quite place. As I forced myself out of bed and walked out to the kitchen I was greeted by Dyl, Nic and George. Why is George in our flat?

"Morning," I groaned.

"It's 4pm," George laughed.

"Why are you here?" I asked, ignoring his joke.

"Elle! Don't be rude. George and I are going out," Nicki answered.

"Right, sorry. Have fun," I muttered as I walked to the fridge in search for food.

"Elle, I head about your night," George stated, as Dylan and Nicki were too busy fighting over who gets to make the plans for this weekend.

"What about it?" I wondered.

"Well Matty came home agitated. Said he scared you off and didn't know what to do."
"He didn't scare me off. I'm just not interested in making a new friend."

"I don't think he wants to be your friend babe," George laughed at how naive I am. Does he think I'm stupid? I know Matty just wants a lay out of me. That's all boys see me as, an easy lay. I don't want to clue anyone in on how I feel. Just as I was about to reply, Nicki pulled George out the flat, as she was fed up with Dylan.

"What do you say we go out tonight? I need to get slithered," Dylan suggested.

"Yeah, I could go a drink."
"Knowing you it'll be more like 30," Dylan winked, as we both walked towards our rooms.

A few hours and a lot of shots later, Dylan and I were sitting at a table in a packed nightclub. There were people grinding on each other in every direction. Every time there was a lack of conversation, my mind drifted to Matty. I continued to ignore my thoughts and downed a few more shots. I was plastered.

"So..." Dylan started.

"Yep," I replied.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeh Dyl, anything," I replied.

"What's going on between you and Matty?" He asked hesitantly.

"Nothing. Not going to happen."

"But you went out with him?" I couldn't help but notice the strong look in Dylan's eyes.

"As a friend, if that."

"Okay. I'll go get us another round of shots," Dylan said, rushing out of the booth and towards the bar. Why did he ask me that?

Another hour passed and Dylan and I were both completely smashed. I could barely see straight let alone walk. We left the club and hopped into a taxi, directing the driver to our flat. Dylan seemed agitated, as his knee bounced up and down and he looked in deep thought.

"Can I ask you something again?" He suddenly said.

"Uh sure," I chuckled.

"What am I to you?"

"What do you mean? You're my best friend Dyl," I said nervously. What's he getting at? He murmured something to himself.

"I don't want to be your best friend Elle," he whined.

"What? I don't understa-"

"I love you Elle. I always have. How could you not see that?" He asked exasperated.

"You love me? No you don't Dylan. You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying." I explained, slightly panicked.

"I do. We've been friends forever. How could you not see how I feel about you? This whole time I've been by your side through everything. I love you. I love everything about you."

"Dylan, what are you saying? You know I'm a mess. I'm not good for you." As soon as the taxi pulled up to our flat, I jumped out and sped to the door.

"Elle! Wait, please!"
"Dylan, you're confused. Please stop."
"I'm not fucking confused. Don't tell me how I feel Elle. I have watched you been torn down by every person in your life. You constantly got told you weren't good enough. Your parents and Jesse beat you down until you were nothing, and who was there for you the whole time? ME! How could you seriously not see this? I love you. I'd do anything to make you happy. You're perfect to me. Please, Elle." He rambled on; all while I stood in front of him like a deer in the headlights. This can't be happening.

"Dylan please sto-" I was cut off by Dylan, smashing his lips to mine, as he forcefully gripped my hips. Out of instinct, I kissed back until he pulled away and leant his forehead against mine.

"Please Elle, I'm begging you. Let me show you how much I love you."

"Okay," I brokenly whispered. Straight away his lips were reattached to mine.

Before I knew it we were tumbling onto the mattress in my room. His hands searched my entire body while mine simply stayed by my side. His lips skimmed my entire body, while I lied still, feeling pathetic. Why am I doing this? He pulled my top from my body, and I let him. He undid my jeans and slid them as well as my underwear down my legs, and I let him. He undressed himself and positioned himself at my entrance, before thrusting into me, and I let him. This isn't what I wanted. I needed Dylan as my friend. I've ruined the one thing I had that was okay in my life. I lied still the entire time, while he lost himself, whispering how much he loved me every now and then. As he finished and collapsed next to me, looking at me with so much love, I felt my heart shatter. How could I do this to him?

When I knew he was asleep, I went straight to the bathroom with my purse and sorted four lines out, snorting them all. I felt disgusting, dirty and selfish. As I sit on the bathroom floor, letting tears run freely down my cheeks, I find myself thinking of Matty, which disgusts me even more. I just slept with my best friend and here I am thinking of a man I barely know.

..................................................

:(