Only Yours (PrapaiSky fanfic)

Chapter 4 - A nice meal

"I have made my mind." He says staying in front of me "I had a lot of time to think about what I should do, and I decided that..."

"You're going to leave me alone." I say hopping today was enough to make him give up

"No, I'm going to heal your broken heart. I'm going to show you that love can be amazing, and I'm going to love you like no one ever did." He is getting way too close, but for some reason I can't move. "I'm going to be here for you, and you're going to slowly fall for me." I feel him touch my head as his breath hits my ears. "I'm going to melt your very cold heart." He kisses my cheek... he what!? "Next week I need to travel, but I'll be back. Try not to miss me too much."

He goes away, and I just stand here. What the hell happened? I go to my condo, and I replay everything in my head. Did he really say he was going to heal my broken heart? That's so corny... He's so corny... No. Stop. He is stupid, and you know it, Sky. You know men like him, and you know exactly how this is going to end. Don't even think about thinking about some other possibility.

I start undressing, getting ready to take a shower and clean myself, but instead of that need I usually feel for the sensation of hot water, today I just feel sad.

I think about my life, and I'm not usually the type of person who feels bad about himself. There's no point in that; I can't go back and change things; I can just hope they don't follow me into the future. But today, today is different. Today I give myself the chance to cry and mourn the person I could have been if things were different.

I cry a lot. I think, and I wash every little part of this body. I wash the hair, the face, the legs, the arms, everything...

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could just go there and be happy. I wish I could know what love really is like... but I can't... I just... I get lonely sometimes and I miss having someone that cares about me like that... not that he did, but maybe P'Prapai could... No! Take those ideas of your head Sky.

I turn off the water and get out. My eyes are red, and at the same time, I just want to sleep. I'm terrified of my dreams. I haven't felt like this in a long time; I didn't give the power of disturbing my psychological state to anyone in at least two years.

I lay down in bed; my head is starting to hurt, and I just want to stop crying. It feels like I'm back there again; I can feel everything, and I just want someone to save me, to take me out of my mind and help me rest. I think of P'Prapai, but I know I'm just fooling myself.

I always had to put myself together to pick up the pieces that got broken and try to glue them together... it didn't really work; every day that goes by, I just feel like I'm one step closer to shattering.

There's nothing I can do to avoid that. I know that. I knew it since that day... I can be strong and pretend that nothing happened, try to accept it, and move on, but in the end, I'm only human.

I look at the ceiling. I feel my wet hair and my now-dry body. I slowly run my hands along my chest. I can feel myself shake at the cold and hot contrast. I hug myself, pull my knees to my chest, and stay like that. I still feel cold, and it's not as warm as I wanted it, but it'll have to do.

I fall asleep like that. I turn around and try to find a comfortable position, but I just feel like something is missing.

I've always been the type of person to be thankful for what I had; I never wanted more; I never wanted something or someone. I'm just wondering... I'm wanting, and that's bad for me.

Things were good-ish. I was doing okay in school; I had friends; I was safe and well hidden; and now I just don't know. He is messing with my head, and I don't like it.