☆ azicrow oneshots!

(💥☁️) aziraphale decided that eating paper was a good idea

(just a small crackfic lol)

Knowledge is a hard pursuit, and as an immortal, it adds through the years, that the more you age, the more you gain wisdom they've said.

It might be slightly different since Angels don't age, but Aziraphale has liked seeing what the humans have to offer so far.

There are just, so many experiences — lives lived, stories made, memories to treasure — Aziraphale, an immortal, at one point, felt like he couldn't have all the time in this world to consume all this knowledge. Ironic.

It may be a bad decision made when drunk, but Aziraphale had the urge to consume knowledge... physically.

First, he tried it with the clay tablets of Mesopotamia, they were dry, chalky even... a bit sandy in his opinion. It's like biting through a very hard cookie, of course, average humans cannot bite it in one huge chomp, but again, Aziraphale is an Angel and therefore can surpass the human standard of bone strength. Fresh ones taste a bit muddy, those felt more edible, however, it does vary.

Then, he tried it again with the papyrus scrolls of Egypt, their texture was a bit off, well nobody could be lucky enough to get a honeyed scroll like Ezekiel from God Herself, so you just have to be content with whatever you have with you right now.

Throughout the centuries, Aziraphale consumed and tried more and more stuff that you aren't supposed to be eating as a normal human. In this case, curiosity would not be killing the cat as the cat is immortal and wouldn't really discorporate from small stuff like these.

As time passed by, Aziraphale opened a bookshop and found himself surrounded by books. He then wondered what ancient books tasted like. Freshly manufactured paper tastes dry and bland, but who knows what time did to those pages. Would they taste even better? Would they taste even worse?

He took a page off a book he didn't like much and began to place it in his mouth when—

"Aziraphale! Are you— you — you're eating your prized books!" Crowley spluttered out in disbelief, his eyes bulging out, his hand pointing at the scene of the crime.

"I— I can explain!" Aziraphale stammered, but couldn't explain anything at all. He was caught red-handed, and it took a bit of embarrassing explanations.

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Maybe once upon a time, Aziraphale might have worked as a museum curator, but that Aziraphale isn't him, this Aziraphale owns a bookshop and eats books on the side but honestly that part doesn't matter.

Aziraphale and Crowley walked through a museum, which is prime entertainment for an immortal — well for them at least, they're dorks who lived through history, and it was funny how humans get something wrong once in a while.

"Look, Angel! They've got a mystery 'ver here!'" Crowley cackled, pointing to an exhibit. "Y'know, this kinda reminds me of that time I caught you eating your books—'"

Aziraphale just turned away from embarrassment. He avoided Crowley's gaze and walked away, ignoring everything else.

"Aziraphale! Really!?" Crowley got a good laugh after that. Crowley would then bring it up once in a while to tease Aziraphale, just harmless fun.

This collection of bite marks in ancient objects would continue to boggle archeologists to this day, some might say it is sculpted, one might say it is from a starving orphan, but no, it was just a product of alcohol and bad decisions — well more of curiosity if you ask Aziraphale.

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I wrote this while going crazy because of midterms. Fortunately, I passed all of them :D