When you hold back your tears, the bottled up sadness turns first into a fiery anger towards nothing in particular, then to a swirling darkness that either continues to swirl around or gets bottled up, but unless the tears come out it simply stays, the darkness destroying you from the inside ever so slowly. Years of helping others and shoving aside my own needs to better help them, neglecting my emotional health, is catching up to me with a vengeance. I feel sick, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Sick, filthy, broken, and I know I need help, but... I suppose it's cowardice, I'm unsure. Too many of my friends are even more broken than I am, but somehow, just somehow, they can laugh and smile genuinely, as I used to... How? They've been shredded up more thoroughly on the inside than I likely ever will be, but they can feel genuine emotion. How do they do it... I'm too much of a coward to get help from parents or professionals, I don't even know why. The one person I trust completely and totally with both my true self and my true emotion, the angel I have spoken of before, is too busy to bother with me, and I understand that, so what does that leave? Only my words that I write down and just for the hell of it I publish it for unseen faces to critique. Here are my thoughts, I wish they had emotion behind them but they do not. I bid you a pleasant day/night.
YOU ARE READING
Dissonant Madness
HumorThis is where I'll be writing when I get bored, probably going to do personal updates, maybe, but what is assured is that much weirdness shall occur.
