Lost Smile//Connor Bedard

38.

Connor's POV

I laid in my bed alone. Lights off. Sheets practically over my head as I looked up at my ceiling. It was pitch black outside. Last I looked at the clock, it was 2am. Sleep and I weren't friends tonight as my mind was filled with thoughts of Angelina. I was in utter shock at my actions and I cried for hours after she left. What the hell is wrong with me. My life was great and now it all fell apart. It felt as if nothing can repair it. Why was I feeling like this? How could I let my life come to this low point?

I was disgusted with myself. I hated myself.

"Connor honey" I heard my mom's voice. I looked up and watched her close the door behind her. She looked up at me with sad eyes as she sat down on my bed.

"What happened with Angelina? I heard her scream" My mom asked.

"I had a night terror mom" I began, my eyes filled with tears. "And I-I almost killed her. I had my hands around her neck. My dream had this shadow figure. It was a dark human like shadow. It talked to me and when it did, it turned into Angelina" I felt ashamed. Ashamed of who I had become. Ashamed of what I had become.

"It was blaming me for Taylor's suicide and I got angry" I cried. My mom pulled me into a hug and I cried into her shoulder. I cried the hardest I think I had ever cried. I sobbed and sobbed. The sadness and anger I had inside of me leaving my body.

"Honey you need more than just a therapist. I think we need to check you into a hospital for a little bit" I pulled away and looked at her shocked.

"What I am not going to a fucking mental hospital. Vanessa is fine" I snapped. How dare she imply I needed to go there? The thought of those places scared the shit out of me. Everyone dressed in white, people talking to themselves or to the walls.

At least that's what I've seen in the movies.

"Honey please. You're hurting everyone you love, especially Angelina. Please think about it" and  before I could reply, before I could even open my mouth, she had left my room.

I let out a sigh and laid back down in my bed.

Maybe I should go there.

Angelina's POV

I woke up the next morning in the guest bedroom at Ava's house. Memories of the night before flooded my head causing me to sigh. I was sad, angry, and everything in between. I don't feel safe with Connor. I feel scared, I feel anger, everything but what I should feel. Safe, loved that's what I should feel. That's how things should be, but it's not. It's the opposite.

"Hey" A quiet knock on the door makes me sit up in my bed. I looked up and saw Ava with a bag of what looks like bagels from the local shop. She smiled and sat down next to me.

"I figured you'd want some breakfast" She speaks. I smile and nod as I grab my bagel from her hand. I thank her as I take a big bite.

"I shouldn't be scared of Connor" I sigh.

Ava gives me a sad smile, "You have every right to be Ang. He almost killed you. He hurts you in many ways and it's not just physically, it's mentally. You are not okay"

"I know I'm not. I worry about him everyday. I worry about how he will turn out if he just doesn't get the help he needs. The therapist isn't working" I sigh. "He needs more"

"He does. I just hope he admits it before it's too late" Ava admits.

We spend the rest of our morning talking and eating our bagels. The conversation is great and it has seemed to somewhat take my mind off of Connor. I hadn't smiled in a while. I have just been so worried, it felt like I didn't have the time. The only thing I had time for, well wanted to make time for I should say was Connor.

Getting him the help he needed.

I reach for my phone and turn it on. After last night I had decided it would be best to leave it off so I could sleep. At least 50 text messages and missed calls appeared right away. All from Connor of course.

They ranged from apologies, to I love you's. none were filled with that anger and hatred he has for me last night. They were all filled with love.

The love I wished he had always showed me.

"I think if anyone could convince to get into the hospital it'll be you" Ava says. I can tell she had noticed all of the calls texts.

"I don't think so. It has to come from him" I shake my head.

"Angelina he needs help. More than just a therapist" Ava begins, she lets out a sigh when she sees my face, "Please Ang. You have to convince him to get better help"

"I'll try I guess" I frown and look down at my phone. My fingers shakily go to Connor's contact number and I give Ava one last look before clicking on it.

The phone rings and rings. No answer.

"Weird. He didn't answer"

I try once again. I click his contact name and wait.

Ring ring ring

"Hey you've reached Connor Bedard. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can"

The second voicemail makes my heart begin to race. I feel my anxiety coming at me like a ton of bricks. What if he was dead? What if something happened to him?

I would never be able to forgive myself.

"Don't jump to conclusions. He's probably just sleeping or even with his therapist" Ava tries to calm me down. It doesn't work, but her efforts do mean a lot I guess.

"What if he killed himself?" I frantically begin pacing around the room, "I would never be able to forgive myself"

Suddenly my phone ringing breaks me from my ranting and raving. I run towards the bed and answer it as quickly as I can. I didn't even bother to look at the caller ID before I did. I didn't care, all I was hoping is that I would hear his voice.

"Angelina" that familiar voice filled my ears. I immediately felt myself relax when I heard Connor speak.

"Oh Connor are you okay?" I cried into the phone. I was happy. So happy.

"I'm as okay as I think I am" He sighs into the phone. "I'm so sorry I've hurt you. Im sorry for everything I've done to you Angelina. I love you with all of my heart, please don't leave me"

I cry into the phone. I didn't know what to say. Truth was, I didn't want to leave Connor. I never had plans on it. He needed me. He needed me by his side and I promised him I would stay.

"I'm coming over" is all I say before hanging up the phone.

———

Well we're officially reaching the end of the story! I hope you all are still enjoying❤️❤️❤️