The Adventures of Harold Jamison

The Adventures of Harold Jamison I: Humble Beginnings

Cue "You're the Best" by Bean Esposito 

*A cowboy is practicing with a lasso but failing horribly. He lassoed himself, and then a cow which dragged him away. After that he decided to go to a bar and opened the doors in a stereotypical western fashion and stepped on squeaky board of bar* 

Bar patron: Now we have to pay an extra 15% where's that dang lizard when you need him! 

Bartender: Man I was smart to capitalize on that squeaky board.

Harold: My name is Harold Jamison and I've been an outlaw for about..... ten days and I only have 5 more to become one and save the town 

*Cut to shot of him with friends* 

Harold: Listen we may not be friends, but 

Bob: You dang right we ain't 

Harold: As I was saying 

Bob: Bro literally killed my dog 

Harold: I did not 

Bob: -Yuh huh 

Harold: Nuh uh 

Hayley: Would you two please focus, we have to stop a hate group! 

Harold: Only if he focuses- 

*Harold and Bob have a petty slap fight until it's broken up by Hayley* 

Hayley: seriously! 

Harold v/o: The fate of this very town lies in my hands 

*The sign for Stonewater is in the shadow of a mysterious antagonist that Harold needs to defeat to save the town and the country. Harold burst through a door and he saw a man in a rather bad southern group uniform* 

Harold: Bro what the hell! 

Southerner: Huh?

Harold: You can't be wearing that we're trying to market this as a family movie!

Southerner: But it's my culture 

Harold: Being racist is not a culture 

Southerner: Fine how about if I add a bible cross to it? 

*Harold sighed and facepalmed* 

Harold: I guess that'd be accurate to most religions. But you still can't do that! 

Harold v/o: And those hands are severely inexperienced 

*In a saloon somewhere Harold is surrounded by a bunch of menacing figure sporting the Southerner's uniform* 

Harold: Truce? 

*The menacing gang cracked their knuckles* 

Harold: I'll take that as a no 

*After the fight Harold returned to his horse with Hayley to see it banging its head into a wall* 

Hayley: Not the brightest, is she? 

Harold: Got her at a yard sale for $200 they said she was an Einstein level horse 

*The horse stopped banging its head into a wall and redirected its attention to licking a dead frog* 

Hayley: Think you got a Trump IQ horse 

*Frantic horse noises echoed throughout Stonewater as Harold tried to stop it from licking the frog*