The Adventures of Harold Jamison IV: The Fountain Folly

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Cue ‘New Journey’ Bear McCreary

*Five years have passed and Bob having gone off to live in heaven has left Harold and Hayley alone. The years weren't kind to them. Harold's knee injury never quite healed which gave him a limp and that didn't exactly bode well for his career. Hayley got a job as a mercenary and is rarely in the west anymore. Now Harold spends most of his days looking disheveled in a saloon*

Harold v/o: I think of the people I've lost all the time, not just my dead parents and that Deserter Todd guy who crippled me, but the living as well. I think about them all, their faces, what I learned from them, how they made me who I am, so much more than all this made me who I am. And most of all the telegrams they send that I'm too broke to reply to. Yet we’re still connected to everyone we’ve ever loved. There ain't much time left for me to say this, but all of our lives come in one life, pieces of a whole that keep on going for what we gave each other. I’ll never forget the friendship you gave me, Bob.

Bartender: Okay you've had enough partner, either pay your tab or get out

Harold: Just one more.....

*The Bartender throws Harold out into the street*

Nixon: Sounds like you need to the fountain of youth friend

Harold: Wait, it's real?? How do you know about it?

Nixon: I read about it at Watergate

Harold: Was that one of your crimes?

Nixon: *Nixon noises* No I'm not a crook, you were there when Jesus vouched for me

Harold: Oh yeah I forgot about that

Bartender: And I forgot when I said you could loiter in front of my store!

Harold: Hey... shut up about that. So that fountain of youth can solve my problems?

Nixon: Yes but unfortunately it involves teaming up with someone

*Smoke flooded in and we see 1800's Batman*

Harold: Bro it's broad daylight, how on Earth did you do that?

1800's Batman: It's because I'm 1800's Batman, you bitch

*Harold shoves Batman, but Batman retaliates by absolutely trucking him*

Harold: Okay we've got quite the journey ahead of us.

1800's Batman: I've heard the only guy who knows where the fountain is, lives in a swamp.

*They made their way over to the swamp and saw him. A tall green man who is a little big around the edges.*

Keith the Hobo: Get out of my swamp

Harold: This ain't your swamp

Keith the Hobo: It's my swamp

Batman: It's the county's swamp

*A person dressed in a suit with a green and red hat waving a red flag with a gold sickle and shield ran up over the nearby hill*

Communist Zodd: It's our swamp comrades!

Harold/ Batman/ Keith the Hobo: Shut up

Harold: We're here for the fountain of youth information you have.

Keith the Hobo: What do you mean I have? You sure it ain't him.

*Batman holds the drawing he has of the guy who knows about it up to the communist and sees that it actually is that commie scum they're after and not the Keith the Hobo*

Harold: You said this was the place

Batman. Did we just do anti-poor motivated harassment??

1800's Batman: Apparently we did do some bat Aporophobia behavior yeah. But let's focus on the commie scum right now.

Harold: Well let's get him!

*They chased communist Zodd over the hills and their chase stretched several miles. Communist Zodd scrambled up into a tree house and refused to come down*

1800’s Batman: Get your ass down here. Before I beat your ass with my bat-spank paddle

Harold: I’d listen to him man, he’s pretty serious

Communist Zodd: You’ll never get the key to my fountain of youth. My comrades will hunt you down if you so much as even think of taking it.

Harold: Wait did you just say your fountain of youth?

Communist Zodd: Oh no. Mother Russia won't be forgiving of this error.

1800’s Batman: That doesn’t make you communist, that makes you capitalist!
Communist Zodd: Nooooo what will my comrades think?!? What will the cosmic scales of economic systems do??

*A magical sickle and shield comes down and kills Communist Zodd*

Pete’s Ghost: Dang bro you just killed two generations of the same family

Harold: Woah

1800’s Batman: C’mon bro let’s get this done

*They took the key from Zodd’s ashes which was also a compass that pointed to the fountain. Harold and Zodd followed it for many days until eventually they ended up in St. Augustine, Florida. Once there they ventured through a cave and found it in an underground Oasis*

Harold: We did it!

1800’s Batman: We bat-succeeded

Harold: Now let’s claim that reward

*Harold walked over to the fountain and as soon as he took a sip all he saw was white*
Bob: Hello Harold

Harold: Bob?

Bob: You failed the test Harold. You took the easy way out and refused to persevere.

Harold: But that’s why I need the fountain to heal

Bob: This isn’t about the fountain! It’s about how you spent the last five years sulking your sorrows with alcohol instead of doing what’s right.

Harold: You’re right. How can I take it all back?

Bob: You can’t all you can do is keep moving forward, which you forgot. The past is in the past and the future is yet to come, so make it a good one.

*With that Bob dematerialized and Harold woke up in that underground Oasis left to ponder the wisdom he just received.*

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