F1 One Shots II

#116 Charles - Panic attack

NARRATOR POV: Brynn leans against the bedroom wall, pressing her entire body into the cool surface, providing momentary relief. Another full day at Uni, full of exams over, devoid of a single triumph, the disappointment weighs heavily on her. She sighs, the weight of unfulfilled expectations threatening to pull her under completely, her head buried in hands, the same hands that have tirelessly steered her to this point.

The air filled with her melancholia is holding her like a weighted blanket, keeping her in place.
Relentless waves of emotion crash over her, one after another, threatening to swam her and drown her under, like unforgiving current. Yet, all her body can do is succumb to an unbearable numbness, a brutal unending paradox that leaves her stranded in a barren sea of unshed tears and emotional desolation, like a deep void.
-Why can't I do better?- Brynn mumbled to herself, no one there to respond, her loneliness being the only companion.
She tries to pull himself off the floor, refusing to let her demons win, gripping the side of the dresser for much-needed support. Her legs feel like jelly, wobbling in place, barerly suporting her weight. It takes more time than she'd admit, but Brynn manages to make it to her bed, gently sitting on the edge. She checks her phone, but nothing, making another wave of sorrow course through her.
With deep sigh, Brynn lowered her fatigued body on the matress of her bead, the air filled with a musky scent that hangs as a poignant reminder of the bedroom's underused state, echoing the solitude she craves in the quietness of the space. After all, the last weeks she spent more at University or in the library than at home...
Burying her face, and pulling the blanket over her cold and shaking body, Brynn wishes for sleep, closing her eyes tightly.
But once again, luck is not on her side, as she tosses and turns for what feels like hours. Her apartment is freezing, and every so often Brynn's body erupts in violent shivers, from anxiety or his body temperature, she can't be sure.

At this moment, she loathes herself. She wants to be punished for being so stupid, so hopeless and not doing enough. She checks her watch for the time and it reads 10:20 pm. She's been trying to fall asleep for almost 4 hours now, after small diner she made for herself just before 7 pm. She sits up in exhaustion, letting out a large exhale and trying to calm himself. Slamming her fist into the bed in frustration, she wants to call someone, she needs to be told what to do.
She needs to call Charles.
Would he be awake? It's a possible scenerio, as he came back from the training camp this morning. As she thinks that, she feels guilt wash over her, and she doesn't want to bother him. He probably needs a break from everyone, especially her misery, so she decides against it.
Time ticks by, and miraculously, a text message lights up the phone. Brynn hears the ding and picks in up. The text is from Charles.
(C- Charles, B- Brynn)
C: Hey B! Are you awake?
Brynn stares at the text for long moment, unblinking, and for the first time all day, a smile appears on her face.
B: Hi Charlie!
Yes, I am up.
Why?
Is everything okay?

She sends a couple of text before she chickens out, squezzing her phone in anticipation.
C: Oui I am fine, don't worry.
Just wondering what you were up to.
I'm still pretty messed up from the trip back.

Should I ask him to come over? Is that what he is hinting at?- Brynn thinks, but she is too scared to be wrong.
B: Yeah, I am beat after Uni myself. I have been trying to sleep, but it's hopeless.
C: Same.
Mind if I come over?
Brynn let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. For a moment she wonders if she really can hold herself together if Charles came over, even for a short while.
B: Sure! Sounds good.
C: Great, I'll come over now.
See you soon!

Uneasy tension rushes throughout Brynn's entire body. Her relationship with Charles is complicated at best; given the fact that they're friends since kindergarden and she should feel only that, but her feelings are over the top, wanting more, as Charles never fails to make her heart race. 
Navigating her way into the living room, Brynn lowers her fatigued body onto the sofa. Sadness coating her soul, sadness she can't seem to shake off. She decided to busy herself by doing some light cleaning of the place, straightening up the sofa cushions, and refolding the blankets.
Fully focused on that, Brynn jumped, startled by the sudden break in the silence as Charles knocked at the door. Not thinking, Brynn rushed to the door, trying to hide her eagerness. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and got greeted with a smiling face.
-Brynn!- Charles exclaimed, happy. Right away, Leclerc pulled her into a tight embrace, making Brynn catch a whiff of his scent. Sweet but with a ting of something which is simply Charles.
-Hey, Charlie!- Brynn tried to smile, but failed miserably. Charles looked her once over, confused expression on his face, attempting to decipher his friends weird demeanor.
-Are you really okay? You seem... I don't know... off?
Brynn desperately wants to pour out her tortured soul to this man, but she can't. She doesn't want to let herself break down, especially not with Charles, who has enough problems on his own. Anyone but Charles...!
-B?- Charles asked, holding her by the shoulders. Brynn's gaze darts around the room, as she cannot bring himself to make eye contact,
-I-I am fine.
-Are you sure? Do you want me to go?- concern heavy in his voice and furrowed expression.
-No!- Brynn disagreed, a bit too fast, the high volume unintentional -I-I mean no, I don't.
-Okay, okay... Let's go and sit down alright?- Charles is getting progressively more worried, as he never've seen her like that. Brynn just nodded, leading the way. She sits, gripping one of his sofa cushions in her arms tightly. Charles takes a seat beside her, keeping a mindful distance, in an effort not to overwhelm her even more. Brynn slowly rocks in place, trying to ground herself, closing her eyes, while Charles picks up the remote for the TV and turns it on, thinking some background noise might offer them both a moment of reprieve. However, the volume blasts out much louder than anticipated, and Brynn jolts in her seat.
-Perdon. I didn't know it would be so loud- Charles hurries to turn it down and lowers the volume from 17 down to 5, looking at her apologetically. Instead of answering, Brynn gazes downward, fidgeting with a loose thread on the cushion she clutches tightly.
-Do you want to watch something? We could watch a movie?
-Okay- Brynn instantly agreed, eager to fill the silence.
-What do you want to watch?
-You can pick.
Charles doesn't want to argue with her, so he picks something random on Netflix. They sit in silence. The only light in the room is a table lamp, illuminating Brynn's face in a picturesque manner. Charles glanced at her periodically, taking her and her little manerisms in. He's pained by the despondent look on her face, unsure of what's wrong or how to offer any help.
-B?
Lost in thought, she doesn't hear him ask.
-Brynn?- he says louder, almost sounding scared. Instantly, her entire body stiffens, and alarm bells go off in her mind. Is Charles angry? The thought of this is the final straw, the tears start to pool in her brown eyes.
-Yeah? I'm... s-sorry I didn't hear you- she discreetly wipes the corners of her eyes, to keep the tears at bay.
-It's okay.
-Are you mad at me?- a whine escapes her lips, tone voice she can no longer control.
-Of course not B! Why would I be?- he makes that funny confused face, and in other curcumstances, Brynn would laugh about it. Brynn secretly adores Charles calling her "B", a sentiment she had never confessed.
-I... don't k-know, you just sounded mad- she stammers, bowing her head and twiddling her thumbs to distract herself, as she struggles to hold her composture.
-I'm not mad. Not at all. I promise.
Charles longs to hug her, offer solace and allow her to express her emotions. Yet, he understands he can't force it. Brunet places a reassuring hand on her knee, saying:
-I want to help you, please let me help you.
Brynn got quiet for a moment, they both did, enveloped by deafening silence, only interrupted by the low volume of the movie still playing in the background.
-I...- Charles is filled with dread, her stomach in knots. He shakes his head -I-I can't..
-Can't what?
-S-speak...- tears make their way to the surface, causing Brynn to burst out in guttural sobs, as she covers her mouth, attempt to hide it useless at the start. This is happening whether she likes it or not.
Charles is taken aback, all the distress now visible and confronting, like an exposed wound. Brynn was so exhausted, that her whole body ached from it, burning from the inside out, her throat raw and dry, as her cries became hysterical and inconsolable. She collapsed onto the floor, gripping the carpet with her hands in furtile attempt to steady herself. She doesn't immediately notice Charles, who is rubbing ehr back gently, in circles, to calm her, even only slightly. Her whole body is twitching uncontrollably from all the shaking, and sweating and her heart is beating loudly in her ears.
A panic attack. That's what this is.
Charles is rendered speechless. All he wants to do is say something, anything. But he believes that Brynn wouldn't be able to comprehend much at this moment anyway, so he doesn't.

.....
Several minutes pass, and Brynn's breaths slowly get quiet and less panicked, gradually getting more labored, his vision still blurry from adrenaline and tears.
-B, can I hug you? Is that okay?- Charles's voice is small and unsure, when it finally reaches her ears. At first, no words escape her trembling lips, she just nods. Allowing herself to fall into Charles, his lightheadedness all-consuming.
-I've got you. I'm right here. You're safe with me Brynn.
Charles's words were soothing, achieving a fleeting sense of solace to Brynn's troubled soul, her  ears now ringing with echoes of her inner turmoil. While she thought she was exhausted before, but she had no idea what she had coming. Powerless, she let all her weight rest on Charles. Leclerc cradled her in his arms delicately, Brynn's tiny frame a perfect fit in his arms.
-You look exhausted, do you need to go to bed?- Charles whispered, his breath hitting Brynn's ear gently, causing a chill to course through her.
-Yep, I think so- her voice was light yet nimble.
-Can you stand?
-No, not yet- she disagreed, as her legs still felt like jelly. They would most definitely fail her if she attempted to move himself right now.
-That's fine. We can stay here- he nodded and then added -Or I can carry you, if you'd like?- his suggestion made her look up at him, meeting his gaze as they lock eyes.
-Would you do that?
-Oui.
-Then okay- Charles's mouth curves upwards into a gentle smile, full dimples on show and then he grabs Brynn tighter, as he scoops her frail body up, standing up with her. Tired, Brynn rests her head on his shoulder, her mind still a labyrinth of unspoken thoughts.
Charles walks with caution, reaching her bedroom on autopilot, where he gently places her on the bed, the covers still disheveled from earlier.
-Do you want to change clothes or this is the pijama?- Charles asked, unsure, looking at her current outfit. Brynn is wearing short joggers and oversized t-shirt, so more of a lounge wear than pj's.
-I'm okay.
-Okay, I can head off now if you'd like. You need to get some sleep.
Brynn's eyes widen, worry coating her delicate features.
-No! Don't go!- she pleads- Sil'vouplea, Stay...!
-On the couch?
-No, don't be riddiculous- Brynn shoke her head,- Can you stay here... with m-me?
Embarrassment lines her words, mentally preparing for rejection.
-I'd love to- she's met with softness in his voice, which is mirrored by his expression.
Without any more hesitation, Charles joins her in bed, a silent companion in the dimly lit room. Opting to remain fully clothed, he maintains a respectful distance, understanding Brynn's fragility.
-Can... you h-hold me again... please?- she stutters, longing for Charles's touch. To feel his warm embrace against her cold body again.
-I thought you'd never ask-instantly, Charles hugges her from behind, their legs intertwining beneath the sheets. Their now synchronized breaths create a rhythmic cadence, as they both finally relax. Even though he's tired, Charles remains awake long enough, for Brynn to fall deeply asleep, to the point of her breath evening out. Only after that, he can close his eyes and sleep himself, happily. It was a long day... 
THE END

Something angsty but still sweet to brighten your day!
Have a nice day! / Goodnight!
F.