Surviving the Dark

Chapter 25: A Haunting

Helpless failure. The vicious cycle of video playing in my head nonstop made it impossible to do anything. I fought through sludge to walk to the bathroom; forget leaving my room. Once Mrs. Ketner left, I retreated back to the small space I could control. The world outside moved on. Time existed out there, not in my room.

The days came and went, but I couldn't find my way back across the nothingness. No laughter echoed in the hollowness. No joy to fake. It tightly took hold, refusing me any peace. Spending most of my time in bed staring out the window, my will to wage war diminished to nothing. The air in front of the window shifted, materializing the shape of a man. Sean's broken body. My stomach turned as he blinked and sat. I've lost it. Focusing beyond the window, I did my best to ignore the obvious trick my brain played.

"Look at you. You're pathetic."

Get a grip. Rolling over, the bed sagged behind me. Goosebumps shot up my body as fear filled my bones. I dared not glance over my shoulder. His burned body flashed in my head, and I flinched. Pungence filled my nostrils. A whimper escaped me as a cold, bony finger ran through my hair. Kian rushed to the bed, grabbing my hand.

"Make it stop."

"Make wha-"

"You are nothing more than a crumpled shell of the woman you used to be. Even my mother is coping better than you."

Tears escaped my eyes and trickled onto my pillow. He crawled up the bed between me and Kian, sending me inching up the bed. His black, hollow eyes dove into the nothingness, strengthening the bonds. Worthless. Pain seared through my skull. This isn't real. Wake up. Propelling myself backwards, my head stopped suddenly against the headboard. Stars burst in my vision. Again. Leaning forward, Kian's hands stopped me.

"Valerie, do you feel residual energy?" He asked.

"I do. We both need to be on the lookout."

Curling up in the blankets, I let the floodgates open in body wracking sobs. I cried for him in heartbreaking agony until it suffocated me. The heat of burning alive threw me from the bed. Screaming and throwing anything close, I lashed out until my voice croaked. Kian wrapped me in safety as I melted in my grief, keeping my body from coming in contact with any furniture. My muscles spasmed with exhaustion as the tornado retreated to the mental clouds. Kian held me until I passed out.

It was the middle of the night when the nightmares jarred me awake. Sweat rolled down my neck to a damp nightshirt. Part of me wanted to wake Kian, but his peaceful slumber shouldn't be disturbed. Quietly creeping from bed, I sat in my chair by my window alternating between memorizing his features and staring out into the night. Nothing and no one was safe.

Anyone could be a shifter. Anyone could be the bringer of my death. Did Kian truly occupy my bed or was it another trick? My mind reeled with spiked paranoia when Sean walked from the dark corner of the room and sat down at the edge of my bed. Resisting the urge to flee, I shifted to a more defensive position in the chair, if it should be necessary. Glass shards still decorated his body. Blood stained his clothes. Burned flesh and cloth rippled across his legs. He was my living nightmare.

"I thought we had each other's backs."

"You can't be here."

"Oh, I'm very much here."

"You're dead."

My words came out louder than anticipated. Sean dematerialized when Kian rolled over. Guilt webbed up my back as his eyes fluttered open. Damn it. Rubbing his eyes, he sat upon his elbow. Bloodshot eyes rang concern and duty.

"Are you okay?" He asked in mid yawn. "Were you talking to someone?"

"I was just talking to myself. Go back to sleep, love."

Facing the window, I hoped he would fall back to sleep, but naturally, he didn't. He crawled from the bed, pulled the bench closer, and faced me. He took my hands in his, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. His hand gently cradled my head, and when I opened my eyes, he stared back. The explosion of golden specs took my breath away just like the night we met. He's next.

"After last night? I don't think I'm going back to bed without you."

"I'm sorry." I managed to mutter.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't know how you can even stand the sight of me. I know I can't."

Pushing by him, I needed to be alone. The bathroom door lock clicked into place. Trapped. My fingers threaded through my hair. Shame cloaked me in panic. Paranoia nipped at my heels. Backing myself into the corner by the door, I sank to the floor. Moonlight shone through the skylight, bathing the bathroom. The door moved as Kian sat on the opposite side.

"It's going to take time to deal with this. I know that. You are beating yourself up over outcomes that were beyond your-"

"It wasn't." I interrupted. " If mom let me go, I would have saved them."

"You would have perished with them."

"Dying doesn't sound so bad right now. Imagine it. No more war. No more fighting. There's more of a chance of peace after death than anywhere in this lifetime."

"But I just found you."

His love was too warm for my coldness. His energy squeezed through the cracks, reaching for me, but I retreated to the only place I could disappear. Once the water flowed into the tub, I stared at myself in the mirror. Dark circles sat under my eyes, and the weight disappeared from my face. My eyes held the hollowness. I didn't recognize myself.

As I lowered myself into the steaming water, it was hard to feel. Sinking under, I prayed for it to take me away. Eyes closed, I slowly let my held breath go in tiny bubbles. Coming back up, air rushed into my lungs, and guilt oozed from my emotional wounds. Soap cleaned the body, but the ick stuck to my soul.

Knocking at the door made me sigh. Company was not what I had in mind. Mom was sitting on my bed talking to Kian when I came out wrapped in a towel. I couldn't make eye contact or bear to look at her. Anger punched my heart as tears instantly threatened my eyes. Chewing on my lower lip, I found fresh clothes and quickly dressed.

"What do you want?"

"To apologize. I should have listened."

"Yes, you should have."

Slipping Sean's rosary around my head and ring on my finger, I took my seat back in front of the window. Sleep offered no comfort or respite. Nightmares seized me the moment my eyes shut. Kian and mom mumbled softly behind me, but I paid no mind. Helpless. The night seemed eternal.