Swan's Fire

5. What Was I Made For?

I couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation that Elara might not live up to Minji's high expectations, and I was certain that the new dancer had her sights set on taking away a part that was rightfully mine. I wanted her to disappear, to be removed from the equation.

So, I practiced endlessly, tirelessly pushing my body to prove that it could meet the demands of the role. Minji watched my every move with an eagle eye, her presence a constant reminder of the pressure I felt. As I completed my routine, she smiled and offered her assessment.

"Precise, once again," she praised. I couldn't hide my satisfaction at her approval as I rose from the ground.

But then, a shadow of doubt crossed her eyes. "But, try to feel it more," she emphasized, her words hitting me like a sharp pang in my chest. She sighed and began to approach me, and I assumed she was coming over to offer corrections. However, she lingered behind me.

"Do the adagio?" she instructed. I obediently lifted my leg, and she tutted. "There it is. You see, it doesn't have to be so high. Representing being light as a feather isn't always about high extensions," Minji explained. She grasped my thigh, and I faltered, caught off guard.

"There," she said, pointing out the perfect height. "See that?" I nodded breathlessly.

"Then carry on," she muttered, and I pivoted into an arabesque.

"Hold it," she instructed, her voice low. I complied, striving for perfection.

"Then the spiral," she said, and I hesitated. "It's okay, just fall into me," she said gently. We sank to the floor together.

"Was that better?" I dared to ask, eager for her feedback.

She nodded, furrowing her brows. "You only get one try at this performance," she reminded me, and I nodded in agreement.

She locked her eyes on mine and continued, "You've learned everything there is to be taught, perfected each minuscule skill to the point..." Her words were filled with passion, and it stirred a surge of determination within me. I longed for her to call me perfect, to affirm my worth.

But she scoffed, bringing me back to reality. "With the way this is going, Swan Lake will be... perfect," she said with a smile. I faltered, realizing that her praise was directed at the show, not me.

During the times when I had to participate in full rehearsals with all the swans in perfect synchronization, I strived to flow effortlessly through the choreography. Minji's commentary was minimal, and she often yelled out praise, which was the kind of acknowledgment I craved. Fouettés were one of my best qualities, and I executed them with ease, whipping around endlessly, always fixing my gaze on Minji's face.

But then, the door opened, and Elara walked in. Minji addressed her pointedly, "Elara, so glad you could join us." My concentration wavered as I tried to maintain my spot, and I finished my routine somewhat sloppily.

"Sorry, I'll let you get back to your little rehearsal," Elara replied, her words laced with sarcasm. Minji raised a brow, reminding her, "That you are a part of, mind you." Elara merely smiled and joined the rest of the dancers.

The claps that followed felt half-hearted, barely reaching my ears. I kept my head low, the thought of having lost my spot echoing in my mind like a relentless refrain. "I lost my spot," I repeated to myself, drowning in embarrassment and self-loathing.

But then, a voice broke through my self-deprecating thoughts. "That was perfect, Haerin," Minji said. I looked up in surprise, hoping to find some reassurance in her words.

"We all know the story," Minji began, her presence commanding the studio as she walked around. "Of the girl, virginal, pure, and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan," she continued, her words weaving a tale that had captivated generations. She made eye contact with each one of us, drawing us into the narrative.

"She desires freedom, that only true love can break the spell," Minji's voice carried the weight of the story. "Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince, but before he can declare his love, the lustful twin, the black swan, tricks and seduces him," she explained, stopping in front of us. Her storytelling had a spellbinding quality, and I couldn't help but hang on to every word.

"Devastated, the white swan leaps off a cliff, killing herself, and in death... finds freedom," she concluded, and I gazed up at her with admiration.

Minji clapped her hands, breaking the spell of the story. "I'd like to introduce Elara, our Black Swan," she said, and the studio erupted into applause as Elara stood, basking in the recognition.

But the moment that followed surprised me. "And Haerin, our White Swan," Minji announced, and people clapped for me. I stood on the other side of Minji, a strange mix of pride and apprehension washing over me.

"We introduce this season with this dance, boring I know," Minji quipped, a twinkle in her eye. "But when truly perfected, it can change people's lives, and that's what we're here to do, right?" Her French accent came through in her speech, adding a touch of elegance to her words. The room erupted in cheers and applause, and Minji smiled warmly.

"Alright, everyone, go to your assigned schedules and enjoy the rest of your day," she instructed, and the dancers started to file out of the studio. Elara and I lingered behind, silently aware that the real work was about to begin.

Elara's abruptness caught me off guard as she remarked, "Well, I've got my lunch break, so can we make this quick?" Her casual indifference to the situation was rather jarring, and I couldn't help but gasp at her apparent brutality. It was evident that she was embracing the persona of the Black Swan.

Minji, on the other hand, seemed to find the situation amusing as she chuckled. "Today, I want you to play each other's parts. I know it's short notice, but I want to know if I made the right choice, though I'm quite positive." She winked at me, and I couldn't help but pout. The idea of swapping roles seemed odd to me.

"Haerin, you're up first," Minji announced. I took my position, ready to perform the White Swan's dance. As I moved through the choreography, In the White Swan's dance, every movement is a delicate and graceful expression of purity and innocence. The dancer's arms extend with a swan-like elegance, creating an illusion of floating on water. Their feet barely touch the ground as they perform ethereal jumps and leaps, resembling the graceful takeoff of a swan in flight.

The dancer's movements are filled with soft, fluid transitions, conveying the swan's vulnerability and longing. Delicate pirouettes and arabesques are performed with a sense of weightlessness, while the serene lines of the body create a picture of innocence and beauty.

The music accompanying the dance is typically slow and haunting, emphasizing the melancholic, longing nature of the White Swan's character. Every step, every gesture, and every expression convey the purity and yearning that define this iconic role in ballet. I poured my heart into every movement. It was crucial to prove my worth in the role that had been entrusted to me.

At the end of my performance, Minji clapped in approval. I felt a surge of pride at her praise. Elara then took her spot to perform as the Black Swan. Her interpretation of the role was... undeniably better. She moved with a grace and intensity that left me in awe

the rehearsal continued with Elara taking on the role of the White Swan. She effortlessly embodied the delicate and pure character of the White Swan, demonstrating grace, elegance, and vulnerability. Her performance was met with enthusiastic applause and praise from Minji, further solidifying her talent and versatility.

Meanwhile, I struggled to capture the intensity and sensuality required for the Black Swan's role. It became increasingly clear that Elara's interpretation of the Black Swan was superior, as she danced with a seductive allure and a captivating presence. I couldn't help but feel a sense of defeat as I watched her performance.

The small lesson ended with Minji expressing her confidence in her casting choices, leaving me with a lingering sense of doubt and insecurity about my ability to fulfill the role of the White Swan. It was a challenging moment, as I grappled with the realization that I had much to learn and improve upon if I were to succeed in this iconic ballet performance. If I couldn't do this, that who was I?