Swan's Fire

7. I'm A Little Whore

As I stood on that grand stage, I couldn't help but acknowledge my insatiable desires. I yearned for things that seemed just out of reach, like my longing for Kim Minji and the coveted role of the Black Swan. There was a girl standing beside me, Elara, and I wished for her to vanish, to be swept away from my path. What I truly desired was perfection, a goal I was determined to attain.

Minji's words had set me on a new path, a realization that the White Swan's role was merely a stepping stone to what I genuinely craved. I didn't want a part that was predictable and dull. I yearned to earn my applause, to captivate my audience, to provoke their emotions and leave them in awe.

I couldn't deny it any longer; my heart's desire was not the White Swan, but the Black Swan. Her complexity, her allure, the darkness that she embodied – it called to me. I longed to dance the role that would challenge me, that would allow me to reveal the depths of my passion and talent.

Elara and I stood side by side, each of us in our starting positions. She regarded me with a furrowed brow, confusion etched on her face. Her eyes darted between me and Minji, trying to decipher the puzzle that had been presented to her.

Minji, who had been my source of inspiration and aspiration, had risen from her seat in the audience. She stood there, a sentinel of authority and guidance. Beside her sat Lee Ji-eun, her wife, who had been secretly training me for the role of the Black Swan.

All this chaos had been set in motion because Elara and I found ourselves in the same position. The stage was set, and our fates were intertwined in a dance that would determine not only who would dance the role but also who would emerge victorious.

The gala was an event we rarely attended, but there I stood, wearing my mother's white dress, its thin straps gracing my shoulders. The sea of black-clad figures surrounded me, creating a stark contrast to my pristine white attire. I perched on the spiral steps, with Minji standing beside me, her presence a comforting anchor in the sea of unfamiliar faces.

Minji, our artistic director, took the center stage, raising her glass in a solemn and mournful gesture. "Tonight, as a company, we're here to celebrate and mourn Danielle Marsh, who left us too soon," her voice was tinged with sadness. I held my hands together, feeling the weight of the occasion.

The room fell into a hushed silence as everyone sipped their drinks, paying their respects to the departed. Minji continued, "But as we bid adieu to a swan, we welcome another." Her eyes turned toward me, and I gasped softly, a mixture of surprise and anxiety surging through me. "Our Black Swan, Kang Haerin," Minji announced proudly.

Her hand reached out to me, extending a gesture of welcome. I hesitated for a brief moment, feeling the scars on my palm from my recent turmoil. But I couldn't resist Minji's allure and accepted her hand. She drew me closer to her, bringing me to her eye level as I stared out at the audience.

Laughter rippled from somewhere below. I couldn't help but glance downward. Elara, standing amidst the crowd, was laughing. Her mockery was evident in her snorts and the disdain that emanated from her. I squinted. Was it all a joke to her? I couldn't understand why Elara was smiling after she had lost the role she coveted. "Sorry," she snorted, but her mocking tone left me unsettled. I couldn't let her disrupt this moment for me.

Minji continued her speech, and I decided to step away for a moment. I needed to share the news with someone who truly cared about my success, so I went to the bathroom and called my mom. The phone rang, and when she answered, I eagerly said, "Mom?"

The excitement in her voice was palpable even through the phone. She was thrilled for me, and I couldn't help but chuckle at her infectious joy. "I'm not leaving yet; I just wanted to tell you," I assured her.

We exchanged a few more words, and then we hung up. As I leaned my head against the corner of the bathroom cubicle, I couldn't stop smiling. The gods seemed to be on my side, and this was a moment worth savoring.

The rest of the gala event was a whirlwind of socializing and congratulations. I lingered around, basking in the attention and the success that had come my way. The large gala was a sight to behold, with elegant decorations, dazzling chandeliers, and a grand atmosphere befitting the occasion.

As I made my way down the entrance, a familiar voice called out to me. It was Mrs. Kim, who had always had a sharp sense of humor. "Haerin," she said with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, "they tried to eat you alive, but here you are."

I smiled softly in response, unsure of how well I had really done. "You did well," she praised me, and I couldn't help but feel a glimmer of pride. "Really?" I asked, seeking affirmation.

Mrs. Kim hummed in agreement and draped her coat over my shoulders. It fit nicely, and I felt a sense of warmth and comfort in her gesture. "Where are you going?" she inquired.

"Upper West Side," I replied, indicating the direction of my home.

"Stop at my place for a drink; it's on the way," she offered, and I considered the invitation. But just as I was about to answer, another voice chimed in. It was Ji-eun, Minji's wife, calling her back.

Minji sighed and turned to me, saying, "A minute more of baiser le cul (ass-kissing) I'll be back. Wait for me here, all right?" I nodded in agreement, and as she walked away, I snuggled further into her coat, savoring the scent that reminded me of her.

I found myself wandering around the gala, surrounded by the opulence of the evening. My gaze fell upon a large bronze statue of a swan with wings of feathers for arms and a white face. It was mesmerizing, and I couldn't help but circle around it, lost in its captivating presence.

Suddenly, a voice jolted me out of my reverie, and I gasped. "Grace!" I said, startled to see her there. She smiled softly, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of remorse as I thought about Danielle. "I'm so sorry about Danielle," I said sincerely.

Grace leaned in closer, her voice taking on a throaty quality. "What did you do to get this role?" she inquired, her eyes filled with tears. "She always said you were a little frigid girl, always a little Miss Perfect. What did you do to make her change her mind?" Her words struck me, and I felt a pang of guilt. "Did you have sex with her?" Grace asked, a hint of bitterness in her tone. "Not all of us have to."

I looked at her with pity, unable to respond to her accusations. She, in turn, scoffed and raised her voice. "You're a fucking whore," she mused, her words dripping with disdain. "You're a fucking little whore!" she yelled, swishing her glass around carelessly.

Just then, Minji appeared from behind her, asking, "What's going on here?" Grace slurred her words as she tried to explain, "Hey, hey, I need to talk to you." Minji gently held her elbows and coaxed her away from me. I watched in silence as they moved further away.

As I walked away, I overheard Grace's desperate pleas. "I need to talk to you!" she shouted, her voice growing louder. "You should go," Minji whispered to me. "No! Don't... don't you do that. Don't you disguise me like that." Grace repeatedly slammed her pursed lips into Minji's chest, her frustration palpable.

My eyes fell to the ground, and I felt a guiding arm on my waist, pushing me further away from the chaotic scene. We walked faster, and I could hear Grace's voice in the distance, shouting my name, urging me to "make the most of it." Finally, we reached the exit, and the cold air nipped at my uncomfortably revealing chest.

She gently led me to her car, and I couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead.