Just Convenience

Chapter 15

Emma's POV:

My heart was beating rapidly, so wildly, in fact, that it was a miracle that it didn't just explode out of my chest with the sheer pressure that was building up. Peyton was looking at me with such intensity and hope that it froze me in the spot where I was standing. We searched each other, studying, scanning for every little movement from either one of us that would break the burier that was separating us from touching. He smiled, and he ran a shaky hand through his hair as he let out a relieved breath before standing. 

"So," Peyton began, his eyes searching mine, "what do we do now?" I shrugged; it was the only thing I could manage movement-wise. "Our agreement, am I safe to assume, has changed?" he asked. 

"Y-yes." I turned away from the intensity of his gaze, sucking on the strand of hair that I had stuck into my mouth a few moments ago to ease some of this pent-up emotion. 

I heard Peyton's footsteps as he walked to me and closed my eyes as his hands found my face, cupping my jaw. "You are sucking on that strand of hair," he said, taking it out of my mouth. 

"And?" I asked breathlessly. 

"And," he started, his thumb tracing my bottom lip. I felt the kiss coming, and now that feelings were in the mix (not that they hadn't been for a while), I didn't know how I felt about kissing him. Even as his head lowered, and I could feel his breath on my lips, and I wanted to kiss him, alarms blared in my head. I lowered my head out of his view, hiding my face behind a curtain of hair. 

Peyton sobered up almost instantly at the slight rejection that I wasn't intending on giving, and I felt his posture change, straighten up, "What's wrong?" he asked, and I shrugged. 

"Nothing," he began to push, and I cut him off, "It's nothing, I don't even know what's wrong, and that's the issue," I said. He gripped my jaw between his pointer finger and his thumb before lifting my face. It was a soft movement, giving me all the control that I needed, and I could have made the choice not to move my head. I lifted my head, though, at his soft request, and our eyes met. His eyes were so blue I knew I would never get used to looking at them.

"Emma, please tell me," his words were soft, and had the urge to hide my face again. If he could see me, he could see the struggle in my eyes. It was a stupid struggle; it was pathetic, really, and I didn't even have the words to express what was going on. "I want to help you," He said softly, his eyes adding to the emotion ten-fold. 

It took me a moment to comb through my wild, anxious thoughts to form a sentence, "When we were fake," I started, hating how my voice quivered slightly, "I understood that even when we kissed it was just for show, and that felt safe. It felt safe because when I had been with Stephen and it felt real it was fake. Fakeness is all I know," I said and tried to hide my face. It would be easier to get out if he wasn't looking at me with those fucking intense blue eyes. "And when it was fake it felt real, and it scares me because my brain is telling me that when it becomes real it will all fade away into being fake." 

"I won't let that happen," he said, shaking his head softly. 

"When that's all I've known, it's hard to imagine anything different," I confessed. 

Peyton's eyes were filled with concern, though they also held a determination of something that I couldn't quite put my finger on, "I promise that I will try my hardest to always make you understand that my feelings for you are real," and with that, his lips were on mine. 

I returned the kiss instantly, my hands sliding up Peyton's body, one to grip around his neck, the other to pull his face closer to me. Peyton's hands had found my waist, pulling me against him as our kiss deepened. He took a step closer than another until my back was against the wall, the kiss never breaking. It wasn't a hurried kiss, like the ones we had in his office or in the car, but it was slow and unhurried, though somehow more intense. His tongue traced the seam of my lips, and I opened my mouth, giving him access to deepen the kiss further.