3rd Regret

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Contain warning: Mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts

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Contain warning: Mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

[Victory]

-3rd Regret, Bang Yedam-

A week has passed since the New Year celebration, closing the old book and refreshing it with a different tale. The New Year always symbolizes purity, with everyone leaving behind conflicts to start anew in different chapters of their lives. Although I couldn't suppress what I witnessed at the very moment of the year's transition.

January returns.

No, January doesn't return; it is recreated. January is never the same each year. Not a single day repeats itself in any way. If time could reverse, perhaps I would try to overcome my own ego and save Yoon Jaehyuk. If only I had known that in the end, I would still be unhappy, I wouldn't have chosen to be a villain like this.

A little story about Jaehyuk - in parallel rankings, he is my rival. Sometimes he's below me, and sometimes he's above. I thought, being a smart student, his ambitions would match mine. But that's not the case. Yoon Jaehyuk hardly ever harbors ambitions within himself. He refuses to enter the advanced class - even though it's incredibly difficult to get in, I studied relentlessly to qualify.

I used to hate Yoon Jaehyuk. Because he seemed not to care much about grades, but he excelled in many things. He could still socialize, relax, and wasn't a bookworm. As if he was born smart.

Even though I considered him a rival, Jaehyuk never saw me as a challenge. And I grew to hate him more because of that. I felt like I was fighting alone but still losing. Even if I ranked above him, I always felt defeated by Jaehyuk because he never cared about it. He wasn't as frustrated as I was.

He always looked free. Doing whatever he wanted, laughing after he could, and never thinking twice about helping others. He did many things that I couldn't because I was too focused on maintaining my ranking. As long as he's alive, Yoon Jaehyuk will win, no matter how hard I try to compete with him.

Because he's happy with his life, while I am not.

Perhaps due to my envy, unconsciously, I always watched Jaehyuk. I could even remember every act and behavior he exhibited. When he felt sad, he would eat a lot until his cheeks puffed up. When he was happy, he would write a series of words on paper and scatter them around. When he held back anger, he clenched his hands tightly. When he was disappointed, in pain, touched, or even in love, I witnessed it all.

Yoon Jaehyuk always comes to the library with Saera a few days before the new year. He teaches Saera various perspectives, his eyes sparkling as he explains things to her. Behind the neatly arranged papers, Jaehyuk often whispers stories that I unintentionally eavesdrop on while also being in the library.

"Red blood cells and white blood cells are in a ratio of one to a thousand. It takes a thousand red blood cells to complete one white blood cell," Jaehyuk says, leaning on a shelf and looking at Saera.

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