𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀,, hobie brown.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐈.

( gif by hazzawckd < 3 )

⚠️ quick mentions of self harm with a needle and lighter. ⚠️

word count: 4747

"It's so ugly lookin'"

"Thank you so much, Tiana." I laughed into the phone, laying my head against the headboard as I stretched out my legs and arms with my phone pressed between my shoulder and ear. Momentarily switching so my face was in view now, no longer needing to hold it up.

"Hear me out. What if a cute boy asks about it and then you tell him what happened, fall in love and tell your future children about it." Sydni says on the voice chat we have going on in the discord server.

"Oh maybe someone will kiss it better." Tiana chimnes in, her eyes staring at me like it was a good idea, but the idea was shut down without hesitation.

"Or laugh!"

"What even happened to cause you to faint? Did you see a ghost?"

"Nah, it was just fucking hot and the whole day I was running around trying to prep their outfits that I didn't have any time to eat." I mumbled, wishing it was true and wanting to tell them the real reason besides it was hot. I fainted because I saw a side of people I only heard in movies and read in books.

"Girl, you always sick. Do we gotta be worried about you?" Tiana scolded me, Mitski playing in the background of the call. I could hear the concern laced in her tone.

I hate the band and they drive me up a wall. I hate that I signed my life away, I hate this.

I trace the outline of my knuckle with a solemn expression on my face, staring at the body of the lamp next to me on the table. In times like this I wish I was back home, not New York home, Washington home. Hiking with my friends, driving around the city with our heads hung out the window as the breeze blee through our hair. I miss the little things. I miss the safe things.

"(Y/N)..." Tiana represses from my silence.

"Nah, I'm good. I'm gonna just try to enjoy this, it's just a different pace." I reassure them. "I'm just home sick is all."

After a while the topic dies and we catch up on things, play a few games on our ipads before I let them know I gotta go. My phone was placed down next to me on the bed, my knees pulled to my chest as the salty tears uncontrollably started to fall down my eyes. I wore my emotions on my face and my heart on my sleeve, the slightest thing could cause me to be emotional. The fact I couldn't tell my two closest friends about what was going on made me feel even more alone. I was scared to put them in danger if they became affiliated by association with me if I told them.

This type of isolation I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy—minus Hobie—but I'm a ball of stress all the time and I can't keep walking around on eggshells if I want to continue working alongside everyone.