Drawing Blood

Chapter Thirty-five

Luke was right. Adam was in the building. I imagine it wouldn't have taken him long to find us. Our scent and our deceit would have given us away. I presumed he had taken off as soon as the truth had been spoken about him, otherwise he would have been there a lot sooner. Perhaps, he had waited because he had not wanted to seem a jealous lover, as I had once thought. Perhaps, he would not have wanted to give me another reason to argue with him, to turn him away, to disown him.

Maybe, he believed I would never hurt him.

He would have left the store in an instant. He would not have stopped to say where he was heading. Annie's own confusion would have eaten away at her, then. She would have panicked, called after him, think that I was in danger. She would have tried my phone. She would have been unsuccessful. She would have laid in wait for any news. It would have been hard for her to put on a brave face and continue as though nothing had occurred. She would have wanted to call Will.

I had not thought of her. I had not considered her feelings. Looking back, it was selfish of me. And it would be regret which would torture me, for months to come. Had I considered her - had I taken her feelings into account - then maybe I wouldn't have been standing there. I wouldn't have been wringing my hands nervously, cursing my decision, stumbling over to the desk where I would remain until I needed to move. If I were to go back, use my fingers to rewind the hands of time, I would do things differently. I would have listened to my inner voice. I would have taken heed of its warning. I would have carried on as normal. I would have refused to meet Luke for a coffee. I would have gone blindly down that road I had found myself upon.

How long Adam had stood in that corridor, I wasn't able to say. But at first glance, he was angry when I saw him through that window. Then, I realised the anger was there to disguise his pain. I had done that to him, you see. I had caused it. He had come to his own conclusions, and was about to turn my world upside down. Things were going to change, whether I liked it or not. Within seconds, he would be in the room with us. He would have effortlessly pushed the door open despite Luke's strength. Everything which took place after that was in the lap of the gods.

"... Why didn't you come to me?"

Adam ignored Luke as though he never existed. If I were to be honest, Luke didn't exist for me, either. It was like he had morphed into the background, had become a part of the scenery, blurred as though someone had come along and used their thumb to smudge his outline. I had asked him about it once; asked him where he had gone. He replied, he'd been there the entire time. It had been hard for him, he had said. He had not liked what he had done. Nor did he like the look of heartache upon my face. I suppose, it was guilt which kept him quiet. That, and anticipation. But all I would remember was the air of agony surrounding Adam when he had asked me that question. It was like I should have known better. I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. What he failed to consider - and it was a matter of shame he would keep returning to - was that I had little choice in the matter. "Don't you dare..." I murmured, breathless at the sight of him. "You keep everything from me."

He moved towards me then. I guess it was his attempt to make things better. Instinctively, I took a step backwards. I was eager to maintain my distance. "...I was waiting for the right time," he explained. And my actions had hurt him. I could see it on his face.

I shook my head. I did not know what to think. Yet again, he had betrayed me. Yet again, he had cast me adrift. I found myself abandoned on those rocks I had once been rescued from. I had no life jacket with me. There was no land in sight. No ship was coming to save me, this time. "You told me you didn't want to tell me anything if you didn't have to," I reminded him, still angry. "I saw how you behaved towards Luke. I needed to know why."