Love Me, Harm Me

You're dead (to me)

"Was that all love did for you? Made you give up and give in? Left you open to pain and hurt?"
― Malorie Blackman, Noughts and Crosses

.☀.🌑.☀.🌑.

Really, she just wanted to leave right now. Ever since she'd opened that front door, hit by the gut-punching, jack-in-the-box surprise that was Zaneri Istar, Elizabeth had wanted to go home, crawl into bed and never emerge to face wider society ever again.

Bad enough, it was, that she knew that Meliodas didn't want her. Bad enough, it was, that Elizabeth had never wanted to see his stupid face again, aware that it would pain her. But, as if to make it worse, fate just had to add Zaneri into the picture. Zaneri, the girl who had come before her; Zaneri, the girl who had always lingered just outside the picture frame, waiting for the right chance to slip back in.

Obviously, Elizabeth knew about the complicated history behind Meliodas and Zaneri. Before she and Meliodas had become friends, Zaneri was someone Elizabeth used to work with in Chemistry. Together they would carry out practicals, trade notes and sometimes even arrange study dates. Their families had attended the same church; her mother had known Zaneri's mother and strongly encouraged them to become friends.

Before Meliodas was Elizabeth's friend, she and Zaneri had been friends. But then, when Meliodas entered Elizabeth's life, Zaneri became phased out. For both of them. For a few months, Zaneri and Meliodas had a relationship; after that she was barely thought of, an afterthought to them both as they began to hang out with other kids from different areas.

Years had passed since Elizabeth had even seen Zaneri. Sure, from the outside, she had heard about her. Friends of friends and old acquaintances often remarked about how the two had drifted far apart ever since Elizabeth had broken off from her mother's church. Social media loved to make her pop up, sending clips of nights out or overtime at the office.

Those glimpses had only been occasional though - swift peeks through the looking glass. Whenever a few weeks passed, Elizabeth would see them and swipe right past. Other than the usual loose threads of connection, Elizabeth knew nothing about Zaneri Istar. Nothing apart from the fact that she had been waiting for a day like this to come.

Laughing along with the others, getting herself comfortable just as she always did, Zaneri knew how to easily blend in with the others. Even when they were kids, awkwardly sitting through Sunday Service, Zaneri knew how to win a crowd over. Together with her sister, Jenna, she had been an unstoppable force when it came to charity fundraisers; everyone who was anyone wanted to support Zaneri's cause.

Now seemed to be no different. Even Mael, who was uncertain and unsure around newcomers, seemed to be quite at ease around her. She had even managed to crack a smile from him, genuine and filled with humour as his eyes crinkled with amusement.

In an attempt to get everyone interacting, Diane, suspecting nothing - how could she possibly know? - had suggested playing charades. At that point, Elizabeth was on her feet, pulling on her jacket and muttering out a barely coherent excuse about a smoke break. There was no way that she was going to play with charades with Zaneri. There was no way that she was going to pretend that this was all ok. That she was feeling ok.

No. No way.

So, taking the spare key Elaine had thrust into her hand, Elizabeth fled into the midnight air. Within a few steps she had her lighter crackling, sending amber sparks into the air as she held a crooked joint between her lips. Both of her hands shook as she lit up the paper cylinder, trembling and pale with panic.