𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒

- rotten - (onceler x reader who has trauma from r@p3 and abuse)

warning ; reader has ptsd from rape and abuse, ptsd flashbacks, anxiety and distress, touch sensitivity, mention of self-harm!!!!!

you and onceler were comfortably sprawled out on the couch, surfing through countless tv channels, trying to find something to watch. it was one of those lazy afternoons where neither of you had anything pressing to do, and you figured watching a movie would be a nice way to spend the time.

as onceler fiddled with the remote, his expression grew increasingly exasperated. "i swear, there's never anything good on tv anymore. it's all just commercials and reality shows."

you chuckled, understanding his frustration. "tell me about it."

onceler finally settled on a channel, leaving it to play a random show. he slouched back on the couch and tossed the remote aside. "you know what? let's leave it on this channel for now. we can watch a movie after i grab some marshmallows. sound good?"

you nodded and smiled, appreciating the simple pleasure of his company.

as the channel continued with its ads and programming, you were lost in thought, waiting for onceler to return with the marshmallows. but then, without warning, something on the screen triggered a painful memory from your past.

the images and sounds on the tv became distorted and morphed into something that sent shockwaves of fear and distress through your body. your breathing quickened, and your heart raced as you relived a horrifying moment from your past. the room seemed to close in on you, and the world blurred into a painful, nightmarish haze.

you clutched your chest and tried to fight back the overwhelming emotions. But the memories were relentless, gripping you in their unrelenting grasp. your hands trembled as the room around you faded into the background, and all that remained were the haunting echoes of the past.

onceler returned with a bowl of popcorn in hand, wearing a grin as he announced, "lorax and the bar-ba-loots devoured all the marshmallows. but i've got a bunch of cho...."

his cheerful words faded into stunned silence as he looked at you. your eyes were wide, as if they were about to pop out of your head, and your entire body trembled. you were breathing heavily, your chest rising and falling rapidly. your hands clutched at your chest, and you seemed trapped in a nightmarish reverie, lost in the haunting memories that had been triggered.

onceler's carefree demeanor disappeared in an instant. he knelt in front of you, his eyes filled with concern and compassion. "hey, are you okay?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine worry.

you couldn't answer.

onceler's attempt to comfort you took an unexpected turn. he reached out to touch your shoulder, thinking it would offer reassurance, but you reacted as though his touch were a threat. your eyes grew wide with horror as you watched something that he couldn't see. it was a memory, a phantom from the past, and it filled you with terror.

you shook your head vigorously, your voice trembling as you tried to make him understand. "no, i don't want this. stop!"

onceler's confusion deepened as he continued to touch your shoulder gently. "hey, it's okay. it's me, onceler."

but you couldn't hear his words or feel his touch. in your mind, you were trapped in a nightmare, reliving a moment of excruciating pain, fear, and helplessness. you scratched at your ribcage, trying to escape the torment that felt so real, even though it was nothing but a memory.

onceler's growing realization hit him like a ton of bricks. without hesitation, he lunged for the remote control and turned off the tv, plunging the room into sudden silence.

onceler continued to offer his support, his voice gentle and reassuring. "can you feel your pants, shorts, or whatever you're wearing? they're real. you're safe here, in our home."

you were still trembling, but you nodded, trying to ground yourself in the present moment.

onceler's next question was cautious, "is it okay if i... hold your hand? or do you not wanna have any physical contact right now?"

you didn't hesitate. with an outstretched hand, you silently begged for the comfort of his touch. onceler gently took your hand in his, and you clung to it as if it were your lifeline.

he guided you through deep breaths, counting with you, "inhale... 1, 2, 3, 4. exhale... 1, 2, 3, 4."

slowly but surely, your breathing began to steady. you finally made eye contact with onceler, and it was as if his presence was the anchor you desperately needed.

onceler offered a little piece of chocolate, asking if you could feel it. you took it between your trembling fingers and fiddled with it. it was real. you nodded, your eyes filled with relief.

"it's chocolate, try it."

you put it in your mouth, and as you tasted its familiar flavor, it was a reassuring reminder that you were back in the present, in the safety of your home.

he asked gently, "do you wanna talk about it, or do you need some time?" you immediately shook your head, indicating that you weren't ready to share the painful memories that had resurfaced.

onceler continued to hold your hand, offering a supportive presence as you struggled to reorient yourself in the aftermath of the distressing memories. the room had returned to a comforting silence, with only the faint sounds of your deep breaths breaking through.

as you took a moment to collect yourself, a barrage of negative thoughts flooded your mind. you couldn't shake the feeling that those memories had somehow tainted you, that the darkness from your past had seeped into the present, leaving you feeling rotten and gross.

onceler could sense the shift in your demeanor. his eyes searched yours, filled with concern and empathy. "hey," he whispered, breaking the silence, "you're not alone in this."

the weight of self-doubt pressed down on you, making it difficult to believe his words. you looked away, unable to meet his gaze, as if the shame you felt was etched across your face.

"i... must be disgusting, onceler," you muttered, your voice barely audible. "i'm rotten to the core. how could you even stand to be around me?"

onceler's expression shifted from concern to determination. he gently lifted your chin, making you meet his gaze. "listen to me, y/n. those memories don't define you. whatever you've been through doesn't make you rotten or gross. you're a person, and people are complex. we all carry scars, but that doesn't define your worth."

you shook your head, a tear escaping the corner of your eye. "i don't deserve your kindness. i'm tainted. i don't know how you can even stand to touch me."

onceler's grip on your hand tightened, his eyes unwavering. "don't you ever say that. you're not tainted. and i can touch you because you're a human being who deserves love and support."

he wiped away the tear gently, his touch comforting. "you're not alone in this. we'll face whatever comes together. and i'll keep reminding you of your strength, even when you forget it yourself."