𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍 , mike schmidt

10. greek god

 Hearing the New York accents in my ears and the refreshing fashion pieces in my vision wasn't hitting as hard as I thought it would as I made my way to my Uber outside of JFK airport. 

My Uber arrived within two minutes - definitely something I missed. The drive to Addison's apartment felt like an hour. The sound of angry horns was my soundtrack on the way to her place.

Knocking on the familiar door, Addison whipped it open and embraced me quickly. 

"I missed you, Miles!" she said, giving me a light squeeze and letting me into her aesthetically pleasing apartment. My other friends were all in there as they came up and gave me hugs and greetings.

Everyone seemed to have their hair done - it was either curls or a blowout look.

"I see you've all been getting ready. " I tease, putting down my suitcase.

"You know us, M. Just trying to start early so we can get a longer pregame in. " responded Bri, one of my friends from college. 

All of four of us that were in Addison's apartment were all friends from college. We attended NYU together and instantly hit it off our freshman year. We even roomed with each other for three years in college, until graduating and being able to live on our own. They were my best friends for years, but not on the same level as Aly. Aly always reached out to me when I moved to New York, but these friends hadn't spoken to me once since moving. The only message I got was Addison's birthday invitation phone call. Was I a bit hurt from it all? Yes. But, I didn't want to let that dim my two nights here, I wanted to be in good spirits for Addison's birthday.

-

After an hour of me putting rollers in my hair and perfecting my usual make-up routine, I had a seltzer in my hand and was sitting on the couch talking to my friends. The odd thing was no one was asking me about my time in Utah so far, which maybe was a good thing considering it'd make me think of my last conversation there - with Mike. I didn't want to revisit those words yet. But, I'd be lying if I said it hadn't been replaying in my mind since Wednesday night.

The girls and I had about two drinks before deciding it was time to go to the rooftop bar and meet up with Addison's boyfriends and his friends. We all crammed in the backseat of an Uber and embarked on our adventure to our favorite roof top bar, Lovers.

Arriving there felt nostalgic. I walked up the infamous pink staircase that saw far too many blacked out nights. Making it to the top, Addison shrieked as she ran over to her boyfriend, Jackson, with a massive hug and kiss.

We had a whole area of the rooftop to ourselves with balloons set up. Jackson had definitely done the damn thing for her and I only wondered if this would be something I'd experience from someone who loved me.

Before that self-deprecating thought could go any further, my eyes landed on a pair that I had known so well. It was Carter. 

He was standing tall in a white t-shirt and jeans with his favorite pair of white sneakers on. He had his Rolex on and threw his head back laughing at his friend's joke. He looked like the greek god he always was. Still perfect.

"Forgot to tell you Carter would be here." whispered Bri, as she gave me a look realizing I saw him.

I looked at her and let out a quiet sigh, as she grabbed my hand and we headed to the bar.

"Fuck, I should've known he'd be here." I said to Bri, as she took out her gold card and ordered us both tequila sodas. 

"Well, yeah. You know he's friends with Jackson. Addison is still pretty close with him and I don't think she wanted you to know he was going to be here incase you got super anxious or something." Bri stated.

-

The next hour involved me avoiding Carter by standing on the other side of the section Jackson had rented and talking with my friends. I knew he had seen me, but I couldn't bring myself to approach him or even attempt to make some type of eye contact. 

I missed him so much. But, I knew he was bad for me considering he couldn't even call me his girlfriend for an entire year. I just wish he had been a better man.

I decided to break away from my friends for a moment and walked over towards the railing of the roof top to check my phone. I caught myself realizing that I had been checking my phone to just be sure Mike hadn't sent me a recording from Abby's pageant. I figured he'd stand on his word, but maybe he had a change of heart?

"Miles, it's nice to see you." said the painfully chilling voice.

A ghost was in front of me and he was shaped like a greek god.

"Oh hey, you too."

"I know you've been avoiding me, but I wanted to say hi."

Avoiding? 100%.

"Right. I just wasn't sure what to say, I guess."

"Well, you look great. And I heard you've been in Utah, how's that treating ya?"

I finally let my eyes meet his the way they used to - only this time it felt a bit different. What was it?

"Thanks. Yeah, I've been taking over my parent's wine store- you know the one I told you about?"

"Oh yeah, right. Are you enjoying it?"

"It's working, for now." I shrug, despising this small talk.

"Listen, I know you hate small talk. But, I have been thinking about us. And seeing you here looking this good...it's hard for me. I guess I just feel bad about ending it so early." he confessed.

Nope, there was no way I was going to go down this path again....but it was Carter. He was my first love and I had imagined a whole future with him. 

"Wait what?" I couldn't even gather the words, so this was all that came out.

"I guess I just miss you and wonder what would happen if we actually tried, ya know? Like....really being together and official."

"You never wanted that and all of a sudden you do?"

"I guess I do, yeah. Life without you has been tough. You're my best friend."

"And you were my best friend too, but you left me for the third time. "

"I really fucked up, Miles."

I paused for a moment, not having the words to say again. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I had wanted this for months, but also the past month or so he seemed to fall off my mind a bit. 

"Can we try again and actually be together?"

I looked down at the ground and instead of thinking of the possibility of Carter and I taking over the world together, my mind just started replaying what Mike had said to me. I wasn't even mad at him for what he had said to me, I was more so sad - something I didn't want to admit.

"Miles?" Carter said, wanting to hear an answer from me.

"It's never going to happen again." I muttered in a quiet tone, looking up into his brown orbs.

"What?"

"We're never going to happen again. You had your chance and you...blew it." I said, not believing the words that were coming out of my mouth. Carter's face looked shocked which was the confirmation that I had made the right impulsive decision. If he was shocked at me rejecting him, that was a problem. Things were different now and suddenly my mind and heart wasn't with him anymore. It was somewhere else, somewhere thousands of miles away.