Heartstrings and Forever Bonds

Ego's Echo

Natalia's Perspective:
In the weeks following Max's confession, an unsettling silence settled between us. I couldn't comprehend why Max, who had finally revealed his feelings, now seemed so distant. Unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, I mustered the courage to confront him.

"Max, why have you been avoiding me?" I asked, my voice shaky with apprehension.

Max hesitated before responding, his eyes reflecting a mixture of emotions. "Natalia, I've been struggling with my feelings. I've fallen for you, but I can't tell if it's genuine love or just a kind of addiction."

His words pierced through me, leaving my heart heavy. "What does that mean for us?" I questioned, desperate for clarity.

"I don't want to hurt you. If I can't figure this out, I might have to leave school. I need time," Max explained, his gaze filled with uncertainty.

As days turned into weeks, Max's withdrawal became more pronounced. Our interactions became strained, and the uncertainty weighed heavily on my heart. Torn between my feelings for Max and the fear of losing him, I found solace in tears, shedding them for the first time over a boy.

When Max finally made his decision, he approached me with a heavy heart. "I've decided to leave school," he confessed, searching my eyes for a reaction.

"Why? What about our friendship?" I pleaded, tears welling up.

"I need to figure myself out, and I don't want to hold you back. But I care about you, Natalia," Max explained, his voice filled with regret.
I refrained from pressing him further because, truthfully, I'm not interested in a relationship. My focus lies on my studies and life goals. Deep down, my sentiments for Nikolai persist, and I can't underestimate his significance.

Why should I feel remorseful for Max? He's uncertain about his feelings for me. It could be mere lust or a desire for passing time. Anything is possible, so there's no need for concern. Fine, let's say he genuinely loves me, but he's undervaluing me. Why invest emotions in someone who can't prioritize me?

I steer clear of relationships because my temper is consistently high, and I'm a girl brimming with 99% ego. When I love or care for someone, they seldom grasp the depth of my feelings. However, Max, having been by my side for years, could potentially manage me. He's familiar with my likes and dislikes, understands the intricacies of my personality, and has insights into who I am as an individual and among his circle of friends. Perhaps he could handle me.

After few months....
Max confessed his feelings, and we entered into a relationship. I'm not exactly sure why I accepted him—perhaps excitement played a role. I acknowledge my selfish actions, but I know you won't judge me. Despite that, I genuinely loved him, focusing on our relationship, my studies, and planning a promising future for both of us.

Surprisingly, my feelings for Nikolai started fading, and I believed I had found my life partner. Despite being in a relationship with Max, I maintained contact with Nikolai, my best friend, and kept him informed. He seemed genuinely happy for me and said, "Natalia, if anything goes wrong, or you're feeling unwell, just come to me, okay? I'll always be there for you, and you know I love you, right? So don't hesitate."

I don't know why, but his words felt like needles piercing my heart, and my conscience echoed, "You're truly a selfish and foolish person. Someone prioritizing and loving you so much, and yet, what have you done? Entered a relationship with someone who underestimates you, failing to comprehend your feelings even after multiple declarations of love."

After a moment of silence, I replied with a forced smile, "Okay."

I ended things with Max. Despite months together, he never made an effort to comprehend me. Instead of recognizing my love, the first thing he noticed was my ego. Initially, I thought if I clarified my ego, he would understand, but that never happened.

Although he loved me deeply, he persistently judged my ego, and his silence spoke volumes about what I failed to grasp. It wasn't the dynamic I wanted. So, I made the tough decision to break up with him because forcing it wouldn't lead anywhere.

Now, I find myself back in my single era!