Song By Unreality

Chapter 24

"...When the time comes to leave the stage, my last performance will be remembered by everyone as a bright show..."

(from Rina's interview with the Gramophone edition)

Rina didn't know how many days she had spent in someone else's house, the furnishings of which she had not had time to see. Stricken by a high fever, she lay exhausted in bed, having lost touch with reality and floating in an unhealthy doze. Rina had never been so ill before, even though any minor cold turned into a fever for her.

Nikolai didn't leave her side all these sticky days: he sat next to her, putting a cool palm on her hot forehead, and whispered something in consolation. He gave her medicines by the hour and forced her to drink broth and water. Again, Nikolai saved her and encouraged her, completely forgetting about himself. Only once, to Rina's alarmed question, he replied that his hand was healing and almost no longer bothered him.

A doctor she knew came twice: he listened to Rina's lungs, injected medications and gave some instructions, which Nikolai listened to with the most serious look.

Sometimes Nikolai would sit with a laptop in a chair near the window and work. And then Rina, pretending to be dozing, secretly admired him. Often Nikolai, thinking that she was asleep, looked at her, and in his gaze at such moments there was not anxiety, but tenderness. But as soon as Rina moved, Nikolai immediately pretended that he was passionate about his work.

She didn't ask what he was doing. But when he went out into the corridor to call someone, anxiety crept into Rina's soul: what is happening, what awaits them in the future? But more than the vague prospects, she was afraid of parting with Nikolai. She was afraid to think about it, but she felt that their roads, as from a fork, would go in different directions.

Gradually, Rina began to recover. One evening the temperature finally subsided, but the heat was replaced by a strong chill, from which two thick blankets did not save. Seriously alarmed, Nikolai grabbed the phone. Rina wanted to calm him down, but instead of words, she just clacked her teeth. She thought it was funny, but Nikolai didn't even smile. But he put the phone down, lay down next to Rina and hugged her.

She immediately felt hot, but not from the warmth of Nikolai's skin, but from the proximity of his body and the scent of aftershave. Stunned by the sensations that surged over her, Rina froze, afraid even to break this burning happiness with a breath. But Nikolai, touching her hair with a weightless kiss, immediately ruined everything by blurting out an utter stupidity:

"Don't be afraid, I won't touch you. I'll just warm you up."

Rina squirmed in his arms to look him in the eye and tell him what a fool he was if he denied the obvious. Doesn't he himself notice that there is a spark between them so that every accidental touch seems to shock him? What is between them is the very 'chemistry' that, if they don't let it spill out, will burn them out from the inside. And that Rina is afraid not that Nikolai will 'touch' her, but that he is too carried away by noble deeds and lofty goals.

Or maybe it's not about lofty goals, but about the presence of someone to whom he confessed his love? The thought made Rina shiver again. And instead of telling Nikolai everything about 'chemistry', attraction and 'electricity', she asked directly:

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What?" he didn't understand and moved away a little.

"There, in the village, you told someone that you love too..."

"Ah," Nikolai laughed. "It was my mother who called me."

"Ah," Rina answered in the same tone, feeling terribly dumb.